Are We Listening?

 

A truly wise person uses few words;
    a person with understanding is even-tempered. 

Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent;
    with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.

Proverbs 17:27-28

Ever notice how we, as a species, seem to have lost the ability to not talk?  Something gets said and suddenly there is a cacophony of voices responding with no one listening. Why is that?  

One of my favorite hobbies is people watching (and, yes, it involves coffee). People watching involves sitting quietly and observing.  It's amazing what one can discover when one is quiet and observant.  Sadly, because we like to talk so much, we shouldn't be surprised when people know our business without us having to directly tell them.  Ever had someone comment on something you were discussing and you were offended that they overheard you?  

Let me share an adage my Grampa shared with me: "If you are dumb enough to tell your business I'm smart enough to listen."James 1:19 states: "Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters! Let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger." 

We tend to get these ordered steps out of order in that we are quick to speak (usually without having all the information), slow to listen (because we think we have something to say and it's coming out baby!), and quick to anger (because we didn't listen first).

The old saying is true, "God has gifted us with TWO ears and ONE mouth so we may listen twice as much as we speak."

 

Sound of Silence

Even a fool who remains silent is considered wise,
and the one who holds his tongue is deemed discerning.

Proverbs 17:28 

 

Several years ago, there was a song by Harry Nilsson called, "Everybody's Talkin'" which began with "Everybody's talkin' at me, can't hear a word they're sayin'..."  Have you ever been in a group of people with everyone talking and you try to hear what one person is trying to say?  It's rather difficult.  And the older I get, the more difficult it becomes.  Then again, there's the fact that I am easily distracted which makes focusing on a single person talking in a loud group even more of a challenge.

 

Now...think about this:  Have you ever tried listening to what God is trying to tell you when your mind is busy with the thoughts about the events of the day or you want to tell God everything that's on your mind and when you're done, you don't even try to listen?  We are bad about not listening.  We are pretty good about telling God what WE want to tell Him, but how good are we are hearing what He wants to tell us?

 

One of the best ways to learn is to listen....and in order to listen, it is important to be silent.  We learn from God when we are silent and listen!  Ponder that one for a bit.

  

Insignificant?

Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.

Zechariah 4:10 

 

Ask any deputy who knows me and they will tell you that nine times out of ten, I am packing some sort of candy (usually Tootsie Rolls).  There are lots of reasons for doing this, but the main reason is to let these deputies know that I care.  It's a simple act and even though there are those who will refuse the treat, they still know that I care.  

 

I may have mentioned this before, the focus of my Chaplain Ministry are the Road Deputies, "Boots on the Ground" as it were.  Why? Because they get to deal with all sorts of situations and are expected to have all the answers and solutions for everyone's problem.  They encounter people at their worst.  They are called names, have things thrown at them, they have been demonized in the media.  And all the while, they are expected to be nothing short of professional and courteous.  They are under a LOT of pressure and scrutiny, and they need a pressure release which is where my giant ears come in to play.  

 

I encourage these deputies to talk with me and I'll listen.  I encourage them to let their feelings out and I won't judge (not my place to judge).  I offer whatever wisdom and counsel God has given me through my own life.  Now, while that might seem small thing, it is really a huge thing.  Why? Because just being able to provide my ears, non-judgement, counsel and candy relationships are built.  And when relationships are built, the conversations quickly turn to friendships which allows for deeper conversations and learning from each other.

 

And to think God began it all with something as small as a Tootsie Roll.

I'll Go

Then I heard the Lord’s voice, saying, “Whom can I send? Who will go for us?”So I said, “Here I am. Send me!”
Isaiah 6:8

I have a confession to make....you might want to brace yourself because this will come as quite the shock....I didn't always want to be a Chaplain.  There, I said it!  I apologize if anyone spilled their coffee or were otherwise stunned, but it's true.  Now I knew from age 7 that God wanted me in ministry of some sort, but never thought about Chaplaincy.

I am glad God asked me, through Eric Skidmore, today's verse and even then it took another 2 years to decide.  But think about how many times God asks us, "See that person over there who is hurting? Who can I send to comfort them?"  "Hear that person who has questions? Who can I send to talk with them?"  "See that person who needs a friend? Who can I send to befriend them?"

So when God prompted me with that question, "See that Sheriff's Department?  Who can I send to help care for them?"  I finally got the point and said "I'll go."  And have loved this Department more and more.

If we listen carefully, we will hear God ask for volunteers and He asks us for a reason. WHEN God asks you...."Who can I send?"  What will your answer be?

"And THEN the donkey said....."

²⁸ Then the Lord gave the donkey the ability to speak. “What have I done to you that deserves your beating me three times?” it asked Balaam.
²⁹ “You have made me look like a fool!” Balaam shouted. “If I had a sword with me, I would kill you!”
³⁰ “But I am the same donkey you have ridden all your life,” the donkey answered. “Have I ever done anything like this before?”
“No,” Balaam admitted.
³¹ Then the Lord opened Balaam’s eyes, and he saw the angel of the Lord standing in the roadway with a drawn sword in his hand. Balaam bowed his head and fell face down on the ground before him.
³² “Why did you beat your donkey those three times?” the angel of the Lord demanded. “Look, I have come to block your way because you are stubbornly resisting me. ³³ Three times the donkey saw me and shied away; otherwise, I would certainly have killed you by now and spared the donkey.”
Numbers 22:28-33

Balaam had made God angry by doing something God has specifically told him not to do.  But, being the stubborn person he was, Balaam decided his way was better than God's and off he went riding his donkey into the situation God had told Balaam not to go.  So....God sent an angel to stop the donkey from making the journey.  Every time the donkey saw the angel, the donkey would try to get out of the way even to the point of just stopping and laying down.  The donkey did this three times, and Balaam took his staff and beat his donkey three times.  So God decided to let the donkey have a conversation with Balaam.

Before we get into the rest of the story, if your pet began having a discussion with you about the way you treat them, how stunned would you be?  I would be speechless, probably much to my dog's amusement.  Balaam was apparently SO angry with his donkey that it never truly dawned on him that he's having a conversation with a donkey.

You see, strong emotions tend to blind us to actuality.  Strong emotions like anger, fear, grief, love all can blind us to the reality of the situation.  And so it was with Balaam.

The donkey asks Balaam, "What have I done to deserve you beating me these three times?"  After all, the donkey was apparently unaware that Balaam didn't see the angel.  But when God finally opened Balaam's eyes, and Balaam saw the truth of the situation, he was ashamed.  Especially when the angel of God demanded to know why Balaam beat his donkey these three times.

The point of this story is simple, strong emotions tend to blind us.  We must be careful and listen when others try to help us instead of verbally beating them up. 

"Hey Ya'll Watch This!"

People ruin their lives by their own foolishness
    and then are angry at the Lord.

Proverbs 19:3 

 Have you ever done or said something that was completely boneheaded?  You see, in our minds, we have this idea of how everything is going to turn out.  Then reality has this habit of smacking us in the face.  

We have warning labels on items that, when you read it, you wonder "Who kind of idiot does this?" 

 Think about it: 
     * Found on a tube of Preparation H - "Do not take internally"
     * Found in a manual for a chainsaw - "Do not use while naked"
     * Found on the fence of a power substation - "Touching the wires can cause instant death"
     * Found on a gas pump - "No Smoking"

Doing and saying foolish things can ruin our lives, and yet when we do them, we have the nerve to get mad and blame God?  God's not the one who said or did the foolishness.  I am convinced that God will allow us to face the consequences of our foolishness to remind us that we need Him.

May God bring us to the point where we are willing to study what He has to say and think before we carry out our own foolish plans and ideas.

Everybody's Talking AT Me!

My dear brothers and sisters, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily, because anger will not help you live the right kind of life God wants. 

James 1:19-20

 

 

You've seen the look. That glassy-eyed, glazed over stare of someone who, while sitting right in front of you, has left the chat long ago.  Why?  Is it because they're bored?  Perhaps.  Is it because they don't like you? Not necessarily.  Could it be you've been doing all the talking and not listening? Most likely.

We like to talk. We have lots to say and some of it might even be relevant. Some of the time we just talk to fill in where there might be an "awkward" silence.  But here's what I have discovered in working with people, especially couples, each person is talking AT their spouse and no one is listening.  There's no give and take in this two sided monologue.

Today's passage gives us three vital points which will benefit EVERY relationship:

FIRST, "Always be willing to LISTEN."  Notice that LISTENING comes BEFORE talking!  How can you even begin to understand what someone else is thinking unless you listen?  And if you don't understand what they are enduring, then how can you help them?

SECOND, "Slow to speak." Don't just blurt out the first thing your mind thinks!  If someone tells you their spouse gets in their face all the time so they just shut down, and the first thing out of your mouth is "Well, you don't have to put up with that.  You should just LEAVE!"  How is that helpful?  Be slow to speak. "Taste your own words before you spew them onto others."  Most arguments begin because we forget to LISTEN because we're too busy TALKING.

THIRD, "Be slow to anger."  This is probably the biggest hurdle couples face right not.  We are SO quick to get angry.  Which all comes from our desire to not listen and not thinking before we speak.

One of the tools I use in couples counseling is a simple game.  I ask one spouse to say something or ask a question to the other.  Then I ask the other what they heard.  It might be similar to what was said or it might be completely different. And herein lies the issue which leads to most arguments.

Listen, weigh your words, and learn to curb your anger.

Can We Talk?

So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.

Romans 14:19

We see it all over media.  We hear it in conversations. We have become quite the argumentative lot, with everyone shouting how THEY are right and everyone who disagrees is WRONG, blocking streets, burning, looting, lots of yelling and carrying on, dashing about like ants whose nest has been disturbed.

How do such blasting arguments help us come together for peace and mutual building up?

I stopped to get some fuel for my car shortly after the inauguration.  I was wearing my Chaplain's shirt, and was just standing there trying to get the price to an even number (I won't say I have OCD tendencies, but it bugs me if I can't reach that even number), and a man at the pump ahead of me started shouting "You're just wrong!"  I thought he was talking to someone on the phone, or talking to his radio, or someone else because I was only pumping gas into a car.  He continued to berate the person I didn't know louder and angrier, lacing his diatribe with quite the collection of profanities.  He finished filling his car and then stormed over to me and continued to shout right at me, telling me how wrong I was.

He finally stopped long enough to take a breath, and I asked him what I had done to offend him so badly.  His reply was another colorful oratory about how cops are evil and abuse power. When he stopped for another breath, I asked him if I could speak for just a moment and then he was free to shout all he wished.  He looked shocked, so I took that opportunity to point to the badge on my shirt which bears a cross and above the badge the word CHAPLAIN is quite evident.  I informed him that I carry no weapons on my person in my role and I arrest no one.  Our discussion into my job was getting rather lengthy so I offered to buy him a cup of coffee while we talked.  

In the end, he understood that not everyone is out to get him and not everyone who sees life differently is evil.  When we parted company, we shook hands and smiled.  And all it really took was talking AND listening.  You see, we seem to want to do all the talking and not a lot of listen.  Point being, what if I'm wrong AND you're wrong....but neither of us is completely wrong, we just need to find some common ground?  

There's A Time To Stop Talking And Listen

Those who answer before they listen
    are foolish and disgraceful.

Proverbs 18:13 

 

I can pretty much guarantee that 90% or more of all arguments are because we are bound and determined that we are right and they are wrong and we aren't about to change our mind.  It's called STUBBORN!  It's called MULEHEADED!  It's called IDIOCY!

 

And I can also guarantee that most of the time when we argue we aren't evening listening to what the other person is saying because we are too busy thinking of a retort that will hurt them and, hopefully, shut them down.  And then we are surprised when we lose that friend or we finally end up just existing without speaking with one another.

 

One of the keys to a successful relationship, marriage, or friendship is the one thing we seem to be SO resistant to do....LISTEN!  

 

Here are a few things that happen when you truly listen:

   *  You will learn the other person's point of view.

   *  You may discover that your perception is wrong (in which case your apology is in order).

   *  You both can formulate a plan to resolve the issue.

   *  You learn to respect each other more.

   *  You show your truly appreciate the other person.

   *  You can learn something you never knew before.

 

If you want your relationships to work, have a free unhindered dialogue which begins with you LISTENING. 

I'm SO BORED!

Using a dull ax requires great strength,
    so sharpen the blade.
That’s the value of wisdom;
    it helps you succeed.

Ecclesiastes 10:10 

 

Ever been bored?  I'll admit it, I have been bored in so many meetings and classes that it was all I could do to keep my eyes open.  When you are bored, time itself seems to run slow (and sometimes feels as though it is running backward).   We are so accustomed to instant gratification that anything that makes us wait creates in us a sense of boredom!

 

I have ridden with deputies who cursed my name forever when I said something to the effect of, "Hope it's not too busy this shift."  Most deputies with whom I am familiar feed on the energy of action.  If they have to stop (to write a report, for example) they very quickly become bored.

 

I can remember going on family trips across the country and after we had been informed that "Are we there yet" would result in a bruised bottom, we would switch to "I'm SO BORED!"  So we learned to always carry books with us.

 

Speaking of being bored, I had been asked to deliver the sermon, several years ago, and there was a big guy seated about half way back.  When the hymns were sung, he sang enthusiastically. When it was Welcome and Greet Time, he shook hands with so much enthusiasm.  Then when I stood up to deliver the sermon, his head fell forward and he was sound asleep.  He woke up when I finished, and then greeted me at the back door with "Great sermon Preacher!  Can't remember when I've heard something so moving."  I won't tell you the colorful monologue which took place in my mind, but suffice it to say, it wasn't "Bless you my child."

 

God did not create us to be constantly on the go and always doing something.  We can't cut trees all the time!  Sometimes we have to stop and sharpen the ax.  Believe it or not, boredom is a choice!  Use your time wisely!

The Rest Of The Story

The Lord our God has secrets known to no one. We are not accountable for them, but we and our children are accountable forever for all that he has revealed to us, so that we may obey all the terms of these instructions.

Deuteronomy 29:29 

 

I was reading an article, by one of my favorite author's, this morning and at first I didn't like his perspective, his point or his point of view.  However, the more I pondered it, the more I realized what a complete idiot I have been for so long.

 

When God is silent, I figure He either is not interested in talking with me or I've "lost my touch" so to speak.  Because sometimes, not matter how many words I use to get my point across to God, I hear only silence. But I discovered something about myself this morning....silence can be deafening.

  

One of the things the article stated was that God doesn't give us the whole story, because we could not handle it if He did.  Can you imagine if God told you how long you would live, what you would face during your life, and the exact moment and method of your passing?  I think my response would be "Okay, that's pretty horrific, so can we just go ahead and end me now?"  

 

God has knowledge that we don't need to know.  But we are stubborn little cusses who think we need to know everything about everything.  We are IDIOTS!  

 

I've shared with you before that during my quiet time, I crochet, using each stitch as a prayer.  Normally, I have no idea what design, if any, to use and I have no idea who to give it to, but God does.  And usually, when I get to the last few stitches,  God doesn't say a word, He merely puts a face in my mind and then I know.  I don't know their story and don't need to.  What I DO know is that in God's Silence, He knows who needs what and when.

God is not silent because He's ignoring us.  God's silence is protecting us because He loves us too much to tell us everything.

 

 

If You Would Be Wise....

Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent;
    with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.

~Proverbs 17:28

 

Did you know that wisdom is a lesson learned?

 

Think about this:

     *     Is it a good idea to get between a Mama bear and her cub?

     *     Is it a good idea to walk barefoot through a room in the dark?

     *     Is it a good idea to wrestle with a skunk....or a porcupine?

     *     Is it a good idea to jump off a cliff without a parachute just to taunt gravity?

 

You see, we learn some wisdom from experience.  I learned very early on that talking less gave my ears more of a chance to hear, and also gave my mind more time to understand.  Ever met someone who thought the one who talks the most and the loudest MUST be the one who is right?  Hmmmmm.......just because one uses many loud words does not make them wise; it merely makes them loud and annoying.

 

Let me share with you some nuggets of wisdom I have learned by being observant and listening:

     *    If the drink machine takes your money, putting MORE money in it seldom works.

     *    If you are in a hurry, traffic lights will conspire to stop you at every intersection.

     *    If you don't ask for help, chances are the ones who can help you won't know.

     *    Learning to laugh is good for the body, mind AND spirit.

     *    Hugs are the best therapeutic tool ever.

     *    If you encourage honestly (instead of using flattery) the results will last much longer.

     *    Pretending nothing hurts is nothing more than lying to yourself.

     *    Children see MUCH more than we give them credit.

     *    Children hear far more than we would like them to.

     *    Children will tell way more than we want them to.

     *    The person who annoys you, OWNS you! Because they have captured your attention long after they're gone and far longer than they are thinking about you.

 

 

"From the errors of others, a wise man corrects his own." - Publilius Syrus

Feeling Sheepish Yet?

Suddenly, the angel was joined by a vast host of others—the armies of heaven—praising God and saying,

“Glory to God in highest heaven,
    and peace on earth to those with whom God is pleased.”

When the angels had returned to heaven, the shepherds said to each other, “Let’s go to Bethlehem! Let’s see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

They hurried to the village and found Mary and Joseph. And there was the baby, lying in the manger. After seeing him, the shepherds told everyone what had happened and what the angel had said to them about this child. All who heard the shepherds’ story were astonished, but Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often. The shepherds went back to their flocks, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen. It was just as the angel had told them.
Luke 2:13-20 

Yesterday, we had terrified shepherds being told "Don't be afraid."  The angel gave them the Good News of Christ and told them where to find Him.  While the shepherds are still recovering, processing the information, and trying to come to grips with the fact that the Messiah is here....Luke tells us the rest of the Angelic Host pops in "suddenly" and starts singing!

Consider this.....if you put 100 people in a room and tell them they can talk, but only by whispering, it's still going to be loud because all the whispering joined together is going to make a lot of noise.  So imagine the "the armies of heaven" when they begin praising God.  That would be deafening!  So these already shaky shepherds are, by now, pretty sure something truly powerful has occurred and they are part of it.

When the Angels return to Heaven, the shepherds decide they have GOT to see this.  Let's face it, if God goes to all the trouble of sending a messenger and then send the vast armies of heaven to deliver the news of the Messiah....might want to go see what all the hubbub is about.  So off they go to Bethlehem to see this child.

Meanwhile back in the fields, no mention is made of the reaction had by the flocks of sheep.  It's as if the shepherds no longer care about the flocks of sheep.  That baffled me for many years UNTIL a pastor friend explain that sheep, even thought they are not the brightest of God's creatures, know the voice of their shepherd and will calm at his voice.

“I am the good shepherd; I know my own sheep, and they know me, just as my Father knows me and I know the Father. So I sacrifice my life for the sheep." - John 10:14-15

Then this friend reminded me that when Jesus met with the Disciples on the shore after His death, Jesus asked Peter three times: "Peter do you love Me?" and after each time Peter responded "Yes" Jesus told him to take care of His sheep, protect His flock, and lead His lambs.

Psalm 100:3 - "Acknowledge that the Lord is God! He made us, and we are His. We are His people, THE SHEEP OF HIS PASTURE."

Let's learn to listen to the voice of our Shepherd! 

  

You Hear But Are You Listening?

So Noah did everything as the Lord commanded him.

~Genesis 7:5

Sherlock Holmes was famous for pointing out, "You see, but you do not observe!  I see AND observe and, thus, many crimes are solved."  What about us?  

These last several days have drenched in rain, which has resulted in flooding.  People have had to leave their homes and even evacuate completely to higher ground because of the flooding. People have joked about needing to build an ark just to get to work.  And, yes, I have made that same joke as well.

Sunday morning, however, we awoke to soaked rug and the sound of dripping water (which we heard in spite of the rain sounds from outside).  I walked into the den to find a large, wet, dripping section of sheet rock and off to the attic I climbed to attempt to discover the source of this leak.  Sure enough, the roof did have a spot where the water was seeping in. So, after putting down a large pot to catch the water, off to into the storms we went to Stuff-Mart to see if we could find something to stem the building flood. 

On the way home to tackle the issue with the hope that we had what we needed to at least patch the leaky roof, the thought occurred to me that Noah's neighbors must have thought him insane to build an enormous boat.  They probably laughed and joked.....until the rain began and didn't let up.  

Noah, on the other hand, was more focused on doing what God had told him to do rather than listen to his neighbors.  Has God ever nudged you to do something you KNEW was the right thing to do, but you chose not to do it because you felt you'd be laughed at?  Yeah me too.  Has God ever put on your heart to do something, and you did it with all your dedication...until people started making fun of you or told you that what you were doing would never make a difference?  Yeah, me too.

Yet Noah did EVERYTHING that God commanded him to do.  And in doing that, Noah and his family came out okay. 

Those who personally know me can tell you that I don't preach at people, rather I talk with people, I hand out Tootsie Rolls, I listen to them, I make Butt Ugly But Big Afghans (BUBBAs) to give away....but I don't preach.  God laid on my heart, many years ago, to listen to people and share whatever He put on my mind to share with them.  But Noah is a great example of just that, do what God has put on your heart no matter what other people might say.

To paraphrase Sherlock Holmes, "You Hear, But Are You Listening?"