Be Thankful For Difficult People?

Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing.

1 Peter 3:9 

 

Ever have to deal with someone you really wish you could just make disappear?  Perhaps they are loud.  Perhaps they are vengeful.  Perhaps they are just irritating.  Maybe they want to engage you in gossip.  Or even expect you to do their work as well as your own.  Fact is, we ALL have to deal with difficult people, even Jesus (remember the guy who asked what tasks he needed to perform to get into heaven?  What about the Pharisees and Scribes?  Then how about the Disciples themselves asking who was going to sit in the places of honor in Heaven?)

 

In seminary, I read a book called "Thank You For Being Such A Pain" and I'll admit, I was skeptical about reading it, mainly because I thought I would be identified BY NAME in its description of such people.  However, the book contained insights that I have found helpful (and I need to re-read the book again).  When we deal with difficult people, we should be THANKFUL.  You heard me: THANKFUL!  

 

No I do not have mush between the ears.  We should be grateful for difficult people because they help us grow and mature and they provide us with ministry opportunities to share the LOVE of Christ!  Re-read today's Scripture...we are to return evil with good.  We are to pray for difficult people (which is difficult because difficult people tend to....well....tick us off, which is quite distracting when one is trying to pray.)  We must learn that WE are the ones who are to love God with all our heart, soul, strength, and might SO THAT we can love others as ourselves...and that includes difficult people.  Be Thankful for the chance they offer us to grow.

I Am Grateful....!

And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be grateful.

Colossians 3:15 

 

Peace.....  That doesn't seem to be what we see a whole lot of in the world today.  Just look at the all that is happening around us.  Peace?  Hardly!

 

But remember what Jesus taught us about Peace: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; I do not give it to you as the world does. Do not let your hearts be distressed or lacking in courage" - John 14:27.  Remember the Peace He gives us is NOT lack of trouble, rather the focus on Christ during troubling times!  And part of that Peace includes gratitude!

 

The Apostle writes, "And ALWAYS be grateful!"  Yes, grateful even in times of chaos.  Yes, even in times of struggle.  Yes, even in times of trials.  We are to ALWAYS be grateful.  I confess, that I have gotten caught up in all that is going on around me and have forgotten all I have to be grateful for.

 

When I am struggling, God is still in control and still loves me.

When I doubt, God is still in control and still loves me.

When I am angry, God is still in control and still loves me.

When I am frustrated, God is still in control and still loves me.

When I mess things up, God is still in control and still loves me.

When I am happy and think it's all because of me, God is still in control and still loves me.

 

So what do I have to be Grateful for:

...those who care enough to pray for me and with me (in spite of myself).

...those who share a laugh with me.

...those who allow me to be part of their lives.

...those who let me pray with and for them.

...those who are willing to love and be loved.

...those who dare to reach out for help.

...those who reach out to help.

...I am grateful that God has allowed me to see another year (today's my birthday).

the list of reasons to be grateful is endless.

 

My challenge for all of us....focus on all we have to be grateful for...especially when we are tempted to let the world trample us.  Focus on the Peace of Christ and embrace it! 

Replace Your Load!

³¹ Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. ³² Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:31-32

I'm guilty of it, and if I'm guilty all of us are.  We have some sort of disagreement or we get upset with someone and we hang on to it, all the while putting on the appearance that we have a halo and are angelic in our conduct.  And we lie to ourselves.  We're not lying to God, because He already knows we're full of.....well.......garbage.  And we are broken. We need help to become unbroken.

We think things and say things that can damage someone, destroy their reputation, crush their ministry, and not think twice about it because "they deserved it."  Honestly, thinking back, I don't know what, if any, effect this might have, but if I have said or done something that has offended you, or hurt you, or caused you grief, please accept my apology. 

As Believers, we are to BE the epitome of verse 32.  We should be so kind to each other that others wonder why we're so weird.  We should be so tenderhearted that we are the first to apologize, and we should also be so tenderhearted that we are the first to forgive.  Why?  Because of the example of Christ who took our garbage with Him to the Cross. 

 

When We Don't Get Our Way

This change of plans greatly upset Jonah, and he became very angry. So he complained to the Lord about it: “Didn’t I say before I left home that you would do this, Lord? That is why I ran away to Tarshish! I knew that you are a merciful and compassionate God, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. You are eager to turn back from destroying people. Just kill me now, Lord! I’d rather be dead than alive if what I predicted will not happen.”

Jonah 4:1-3 

God had told Jonah to go to Nineveh and tell them they needed to change their ways or God was going to destroy them and their city.  Jonah, with God's extra prompting, did told the people of Nineveh that they would be destroyed by God unless they changed their ways.  And guess what?  The king proclaimed that they would do as God had told them through Jonah.

Meanwhile, Jonah went to a hillside outside the city to watch God destroy it.  Apparently, men like to watch things go BOOM, and Jonah was no exception.  However, when God spared Nineveh, Jonah pitched a temper tantrum and pouted ("This change of plans greatly upset Jonah, and he became very angry").  

How many times have we pouted or thrown a temper tantrum when God didn't do what WE wanted?  Yep.....I'm guilty.  In OUR eyes, God isn't fair!  But what we don't see is the entirety of God's plans for us because we're so focused on what WE want, as if God is some magical genie who is supposed to give us candy and grant our wishes and let us eat what we want without gaining any weight.  If that is your idea of God, might be time to rethink who God truly is.

God's plans for us are far beyond anything we could ever dream!  And He will do what needs to be done to fulfill His plans for us!  Most of the time in spite of our pouting and temper tantrums.

"And THEN the donkey said....."

²⁸ Then the Lord gave the donkey the ability to speak. “What have I done to you that deserves your beating me three times?” it asked Balaam.
²⁹ “You have made me look like a fool!” Balaam shouted. “If I had a sword with me, I would kill you!”
³⁰ “But I am the same donkey you have ridden all your life,” the donkey answered. “Have I ever done anything like this before?”
“No,” Balaam admitted.
³¹ Then the Lord opened Balaam’s eyes, and he saw the angel of the Lord standing in the roadway with a drawn sword in his hand. Balaam bowed his head and fell face down on the ground before him.
³² “Why did you beat your donkey those three times?” the angel of the Lord demanded. “Look, I have come to block your way because you are stubbornly resisting me. ³³ Three times the donkey saw me and shied away; otherwise, I would certainly have killed you by now and spared the donkey.”
Numbers 22:28-33

Balaam had made God angry by doing something God has specifically told him not to do.  But, being the stubborn person he was, Balaam decided his way was better than God's and off he went riding his donkey into the situation God had told Balaam not to go.  So....God sent an angel to stop the donkey from making the journey.  Every time the donkey saw the angel, the donkey would try to get out of the way even to the point of just stopping and laying down.  The donkey did this three times, and Balaam took his staff and beat his donkey three times.  So God decided to let the donkey have a conversation with Balaam.

Before we get into the rest of the story, if your pet began having a discussion with you about the way you treat them, how stunned would you be?  I would be speechless, probably much to my dog's amusement.  Balaam was apparently SO angry with his donkey that it never truly dawned on him that he's having a conversation with a donkey.

You see, strong emotions tend to blind us to actuality.  Strong emotions like anger, fear, grief, love all can blind us to the reality of the situation.  And so it was with Balaam.

The donkey asks Balaam, "What have I done to deserve you beating me these three times?"  After all, the donkey was apparently unaware that Balaam didn't see the angel.  But when God finally opened Balaam's eyes, and Balaam saw the truth of the situation, he was ashamed.  Especially when the angel of God demanded to know why Balaam beat his donkey these three times.

The point of this story is simple, strong emotions tend to blind us.  We must be careful and listen when others try to help us instead of verbally beating them up. 

Everybody's Talking AT Me!

My dear brothers and sisters, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily, because anger will not help you live the right kind of life God wants. 

James 1:19-20

 

 

You've seen the look. That glassy-eyed, glazed over stare of someone who, while sitting right in front of you, has left the chat long ago.  Why?  Is it because they're bored?  Perhaps.  Is it because they don't like you? Not necessarily.  Could it be you've been doing all the talking and not listening? Most likely.

We like to talk. We have lots to say and some of it might even be relevant. Some of the time we just talk to fill in where there might be an "awkward" silence.  But here's what I have discovered in working with people, especially couples, each person is talking AT their spouse and no one is listening.  There's no give and take in this two sided monologue.

Today's passage gives us three vital points which will benefit EVERY relationship:

FIRST, "Always be willing to LISTEN."  Notice that LISTENING comes BEFORE talking!  How can you even begin to understand what someone else is thinking unless you listen?  And if you don't understand what they are enduring, then how can you help them?

SECOND, "Slow to speak." Don't just blurt out the first thing your mind thinks!  If someone tells you their spouse gets in their face all the time so they just shut down, and the first thing out of your mouth is "Well, you don't have to put up with that.  You should just LEAVE!"  How is that helpful?  Be slow to speak. "Taste your own words before you spew them onto others."  Most arguments begin because we forget to LISTEN because we're too busy TALKING.

THIRD, "Be slow to anger."  This is probably the biggest hurdle couples face right not.  We are SO quick to get angry.  Which all comes from our desire to not listen and not thinking before we speak.

One of the tools I use in couples counseling is a simple game.  I ask one spouse to say something or ask a question to the other.  Then I ask the other what they heard.  It might be similar to what was said or it might be completely different. And herein lies the issue which leads to most arguments.

Listen, weigh your words, and learn to curb your anger.

Angry With God?

When God saw what the people did, that they stopped doing evil, he changed his mind and did not do what he had warned. He did not punish them.

But this made Jonah very unhappy, and he became angry. He prayed to the Lord, “When I was still in my own country this is what I said would happen, and that is why I quickly ran away to Tarshish. I knew that you are a God who is kind and shows mercy. You don’t become angry quickly, and you have great love. I knew you would choose not to cause harm. 

Jonah 3:10-4:2 

Have you ever been mad at God?  I have.  And then I was angry at myself for being mad at God.  I was mad at God when He called my Grampa home.  I was mad at God when my life fell apart.  I was mad at God when, just when I thought things were looking up, the bottom dropped out again.  I was mad at God, and I let Him know it in no uncertain terms!

I remember being so angry I just had to get away, so I went to my favorite spot and I just told God exactly how I felt.  I even dared Him to take me out!  But He didn't.  Instead, He sent people across my path to remind me that I am loved.  He sent people into my life that needed what He had taught me.  He sent people into my life that I needed to learn from. 

One of the wisest people I have met, aside from Grampa, is a Rabbi.  He told me the main reason we get mad with God is because we can't see the whole picture.  We know there's more, but God doesn't show us everything.  Our perspective is limited, which is why we learn to Trust God to love us through our hurt and anger.  He said when he felt angry at God, he says this prayer, "God, I don't like you right now and You know it!  Thank you for loving me anyway."  

It's okay to be mad at God, that's not going to stop Him from loving you!

When Do We Seek Peace?

You, Lord, give true peace
    to those who depend on you,
    because they trust you.

Isaiah 26:3 

 

We've spent a long time hearing about riots, arguing about politics, people protesting this or that.  Then the elections began NOT with "here's what we will do to bring peace" but with "I may be a horrible person, but my opponent is WORSE!"  Now that the elections are technically over, the unrest continues.  

 

Then we deal daily with "office politics"...what some call favoritism or 'brown nosing.'  It seems that every where you turn, people are unhappy and seeking to convince others to agree with their opinion by taking extreme measures.  And during all this unrest and noise, we hear no one speaking of peace.

 

Peace...TRUE peace is the knowledge that no matter what happens, God is still God and He is in control and loves us!  When we focus on THAT, then we will begin to understand peace.  You see, peace doesn't mean I'm right and you're wrong; peace doesn't mean you're right and I'm wrong.  Peace means God's plans for us will be completed in spite of all the fighting and arguing and tantrums and inattention.  God is patient.  God loves you.  God has a plan.  God is the One to Trust (It's even on our currency).

 

Step back from the politics for just one day and focus on God's love for you.  And you will begin to sense His peace fill you.

The Eagle Has Landed!

You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Matthew 5:27-28

Remember the 10 commandments that God gave to Moses?  The "church folk" were so hung up on making sure they appeared to be following these commandments to the letter that they forgot one very important aspect.  And when Jesus pointed it out to them, they were none too happy.  

When I was a teenager, I went with our church youth group to the beach for a week as sort of a Spiritual Retreat.  One of the leaders tried to teach us the difference between lust and adultery by using a bird and tree analogy.  He said, "If a bird sees the tree and flies over it, that is just a passing thought, which is lust.  However, if the bird lights in the tree, that is an intentional action, which is adultery."  Not long after that class, several friends and I were walking along the beach and, seeing a pretty bikini-clad young lady, one of our group said, "The Eagle Has Landed!"

I learned what Jesus meant later when I was in college and heard, what I thought was, a radical teaching.  Jesus wasn't talking about literal actions!  Jesus was talking about our INTENTIONS!  When I thought back to that day at the beach, I was ashamed of myself.  Here I figured as long as I didn't act on my thoughts, it was okay.  After all, what did it hurt?  Then I began to understand that how I programed my mind, determined how I treated others, respected others, saw others.  If I was angry with someone (and really wanting to knock their block off), I would treat them with disrespect and contempt long after our disagreement had been resolved.

Like the old computer adage: "GIGO"  Garbage In, Garbage Out.  Be careful what you allow in your mind, because it will come out eventually.

Waiting

Wait and trust the Lord.
    Don’t be upset when others get rich
    or when someone else’s plans succeed.

Psalm 37:7

Have you ever prayed for something and it seemed that your request just hovered at the ceiling?  I have.  

 

Have you ever thought "God's just not working fast enough"?  I have.

 

Have you wondered why someone else seems to move up faster than you when you believe that you are working twice as hard as they are?  I have too.

 

Something I have learned, and am still learning the hard way, is that God always answers our prayers according to get us in a position where His plans for us will work as perfectly as He designed them.

 

Think of it this way....you have a hankering for an orange.  You plant a seed and you can have all the oranges you want.  You water the seed and tend to the soil and check every single day to see if the oranges are ready yet.  You get angry because you wanted the orange but the orange tree hasn't given you any.  Why?  Because all the processes to make the oranges, make the limbs strong enough to hold the oranges, and for the oranges to ripen enough to eat, have not been completed yet.

 

We live in a world of instant gratification.  If I want something to eat, I can go to the store and get it.  But if I want to advance my career, I can't just go to the store and walk out with a promotion and a raise.

 

You see, God has orchestrated everything in the entire universe and time to put you in just the right place to fulfill your place in His perfect plan.  This does not mean that will like having to wait.  We probably won't like waiting while all the pieces get put into place.  We may not like waiting....  But the end results will blow your mind!

Time To Strip Down!

We are surrounded by a great cloud of people whose lives tell us what faith means. So let us run the race that is before us and never give up. We should remove from our lives anything that would get in the way and the sin that so easily holds us back.

Hebrews 12:1

In the days of the original Olympic games, the athletes participated in their events without any sort of uniform, or with any clothing at all for that matter.  Why? Because it was considered to be more fair and equal to run without any sort of hindrance or burden.  Look at our Olympic athletes today, especially the runners.  They wear as little as possible and it is as lightweight as possible so as to not be a hindrance to their performance.

Yet as we stroll through life, many of us struggle to walk because of all that we are carrying.  Marital issues, family discord, financial burdens, job struggles, emotional struggles, health issues, addictions, arrogance, laziness, not doing what we know is the right thing....they just seem to keep piling up.  Eventually, we are barely able to claw another inch forward.  Our lives become more of a burden than a joy.  And we wonder why.

The writer of Hebrews tells us that we should RUN the race that is our life and NEVER give up.  How can this be possible?  By removing, letting go of, dropping ANYTHING that holds us down and especially any sin that burdens us.

Think about this:  This means we need to let go of what we cannot control (which is pretty much everything) and allow God to help shape our lives so we can run with the Grace that He offers us.  That means we will have to make some changes, especially in ourselves.  It also means we cannot keep those around us who drain us.  

Brains.....They're Actually Useful!

And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

Ephesians 4:26-27

Remember Paul and Barnabas?  They spent years traveling together taking the Gospel message of Christ to places who had never heard such news before.  Barnabas was the one who actually got Paul and the Disciples in the same place to talk, because Paul, after all, had been Saul and had been going about the countryside terrorizing and punishing Christians.  And after years on the road together, Paul and Barnabas had a rather strong disagreement (Acts 15:39).

Paul was like a snapping turtle in the regard that once he set his mind to something, nothing was going to stop him.  He was, how can I say this politely, STUBBORN and hard-headed.  Which might explain why God chose to blind Saul in order to get his attention and turn him into Paul.

Have you ever been so angry with someone that you couldn't think of anything else?  Couldn't enjoy any activities?  Turned your whole mood to that of a rabid badger in a bad mood without coffee?  So angry that you couldn't sleep which made things worse the next morning because you were still ticked off AND now you're extra irritated because you're tired.  I have.  And there was not enough coffee in the world to make it any better.

Notice that Paul reminds us to not let our anger control us.  Anger, in and of itself, is not wrong.  BUT when we choose to hang on to the anger....that is when we get into trouble.  

Try this: next time you get angry, pick up a rock and squeeze it as hard as you can.  Eventually, you will get tired of squeezing and let it go.  

We can do the same thing with our anger.  Squeeze it....look at it from every perspective.....and then ask yourself, "Is my getting angry REALLY going to resolve this issue?"  You see, anger is a reflexive reaction and is an easier response.  A proactive action would be to see a situation, accept that we don't agree with it, and make a plan to find a peaceful resolution, which makes it unpopular because we have to actually think.

Remember, God gave us brains to actually use for something other than a way to keep our ears apart!  

Protect Your Mind!

And now I make one more appeal, my dear brothers and sisters. Watch out for people who cause divisions and upset people’s faith by teaching things contrary to what you have been taught. Stay away from them. Such people are not serving Christ our Lord; they are serving their own personal interests. By smooth talk and glowing words they deceive innocent people. 

~Romans 16:17-18

Did you know that there are people who are divisive?  We see it every single day.  The divisive people are usually those who are too cowardly to step into the light of view and debate.  They choose to cast stones from the shadows without regard to who will be hurt by their words. Divisive people stir up trouble and seem to enjoy the chaos, again because they do so from the shadows.  

The Apostle Paul reminds us to be wary of those who seek to be divisive!  Yet over and over we see such people who will mindlessly follow simply because the rhetoric is the latest popular thing, or because they just want to be "part of change," or some other excuse that deflects the responsibility to THINK away from themselves.  Remember the excuse: "Well, every one else is doing it!"  Does that make it right. 

Jesus reminds us "And I tell you this, you must give an account on judgment day for every idle word you speak" (Matthew 12:36). Therefore, we must be careful what we say and what we think.  Because for most of us, what's in our mind is going to come out of our mouth (and God WILL hold us accountable).

Solomon wrote in his Proverbs: "Guard your heart [and mind] above all else, for it determines the course of your life" (Proverbs 4:23).  So how do we put a guard on our hearts and minds?  How do we keep from becoming a casualty of the divisive person's bombs?  Allow me to give you some very practical counsel:

     *  If a statement is 99.99999% true and 0.00001% false, it is a LIE!  Don't let the lies into your mind!  If that means you have to stop reading their words or stop listening their words or even remove yourself from them, DO IT!  Better to walk away than become a casualty!

     *  Remember that YOU control what you let into your heart and mind! Be selective!  Be careful!

     *  People will say whatever they want about you for whatever reason they want and there's little you can do to stop them.  BUT....YOU control how you choose to react to them.

  

Perhaps the best counsel I have found comes from Paul's letter to the Philippian church (Chapter 4 Verse 8):

 Finally, brothers and sisters, 

whatever is true, 

whatever is worthy of respect, 

whatever is just, 

whatever is pure,

 whatever is lovely, 

whatever is commendable, 

if something is excellent or praiseworthy, 

THINK ON THESE THINGS.

We are bombarded with lots of garbage every day, but WE get to decide what we let into our minds.  If it's not building you up and making you better, then it's not worth your time to think about!

With All That's Going On In The World...

Don’t be too quick to get angry

    because anger lives in the fool’s heart.

Ecclesiastes 7:9

 

We argue and fight for any number of stupid reasons, let's be honest.  Sadly, these altercations don't really resolve anything.  They do tend to make divisions even more prevalent.  They do tend to make the participants look less than the brightest candle on the cake.  So why are we so quick to be offended and angry?  Why are we so quick to jump from discussion to brawl?

 

We have learned somewhere along the way that if you poke me in the eye, then I will shoot you in the head and believe I win (from inside the prison cell).  We seem to have lost the ability to articulate and reason together.  We seem to have lost the ability to have respect for others or ourselves for that matter.  We are quick to DEMAND respect, instead of earning it.  We are also quick to disrespect others who disagree with us.

 

Notice the verse doesn't say "Don't get angry" because there are times when we should be angry (when a child is abused or an elderly person is attacked).  The verse says "Don't be too quick to get angry."  Count to 10 (as my Grampa used to say).  Take a stick and whack a tree with it.  Go chop some firewood.  Go for a run or walk.  Why? Because we, as humans, are very prone to knee-jerk reactions instead of planned actions.  It's easier to escalate than to discuss.  It's easier to talk over everyone else than to actually listen to their point of view.

 

Easy is not always the best!