Are You Content?

So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

Matthew 6:31-33

 

You've seen the ads that tell you (scream at you) that without their product or service your life is miserable.  They tug at your vanity.  They play to the idea that your paycheck is never enough.  Some will even strive to get you to believe you can actually get something for nothing.  Others will tell you that if you have ever taken a drug, had a surgery, or have any sort of injury, then you need them to "get all the money you deserve."

 

The reality is, we are constantly being hammered with the notion that our lives are lacking and we should never be content with anything!  But Jesus reminds us that when we put our priorities in the right order, we have can be content.  And His recipe for contentment is very simple: Put God first above everything, live to show God is first, and you will be content.

 

Yes, there have been, and are, times when I get discouraged because my paycheck isn't bigger, but eventually God reminds me that a bigger paycheck is not the answer.  Why? Because once the "new" wears off your larger salary, you start, once again, believing that your paycheck isn't big enough anymore.  Our natural inclination is always more. Think about this mindset: "If a little is good, then a lot must be better."  That's the trap of discontentment!  

 

Yes, there have been, and are, times when I get discouraged by the fact that, as a Chaplain, I am not eligible for promotion.   But eventually God reminds me that in order to be of service to others, I am where He needs me to be.  

This hit me between the eyes the other day when I was outside with Woody Bear (our dog).  I laid down on the deck and watched the birds flying through the crystal blue sky and Woody laid down with me and promptly fell asleep.  Those few moments of peacefulness reminded me that it doesn't take much to be content.

 

 

Buzz Off Already!

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” 

1 Samuel 16:7 

 

How many times have you heard "church words" being thrown around in a conversation with someone who is hurting and you see their face glaze over or they get irritated by the use of buzzwords?  I hate buzzwords!  

 

When I was in college, one of the guys in my dorm came back from a church service very excited because he had gotten "saved" after hearing "The Word."  I asked him about his experience, and he really couldn't tell me without using all the church buzzwords.  I already knew all the buzzwords, having grown up as the son of a Minister.  But one of the things that drove me away from the church for a long time were those who dared not be authentic...they had to use "church speak" to express their holiness.

 

One of the things God has reiterated to me is to be who I am.  Flaws, failures, lumps, bumps, bruises, and all.  The best way I can tell you about my relationship with God is to reveal that He loves me in spite of my falling face first into the muck.  Yet He still brings people across my path who I can learn from and who I can help.  And it all comes from just being honest and open.  I distrust any church folk who cannot speak without using "church speak."  I distrust people who cannot just be real, open and honest.

 

Remember, Jesus went to the places where people were and He taught them in ways THEY could understand!  

Guard Your Heart!

Guard your heart above all else,
    for it determines the course of your life.

Proverbs 4:23

 

There was a time I used to envy those who seemed to just wander through life with no plans, no goals, and just rolled along seemingly always landing right in the lap of whatever they needed.  And it would eat me alive when these people would always seem to come out on top, while I struggled and always felt like I was the flea-ridden dog at the grand ball of life.

 

And because I couldn't let go of that, my life seemed to get worse and worse (as did my outlook on life).  I grew to become angry with anyone and everyone.  Until.....and that's one of the best words you can every read or hear....until I got to talk with one of those people I was so envious of.  He told me that most of his laughter and smiles were fake because he had a reputation to protect.  He told me that he didn't bother to pay attention in school and when he managed to get into college, he didn't know how to study and flunked out.  He told me that his life had slowly become one con after another just to survive.  

 

The point of this?  Guard your heart!  Protect it from things like anger, envy, jealousy, hatred, disrespect and all the other negatives.  Remember: What's in your well comes up in your bucket!  Protect your well! 

 

Get Smart!

God is not a God of chaos but a God of peace.

1 Corinthians 14:33a

 

If you look at pretty much any news outlet, you will see they have lots of stories about the chaos which seems to be taking over the world.  Every group seems to be protesting and people seem to be so angry at everything and everyone.  And if we allow it, we will believe that the world is coming apart at the seams and it would appear that God has lost control.

 

Well, that's what our enemy wants us to think.  He wants us to believe that the world is His and God has lost control of everything.  And that is nothing less than a lie from the pit and stinks like smoke!

 

I remember as a child watching the television show "Get Smart" which was about the ongoing struggle between Chaos and Control.  I laughed at some of the antics of the show because it was funny.  But the message was not lost on my young mind...we are in a struggle between chaos and control.  There are those who want no rules so they can do whatever their whim of the moment might be with no consequences.  Yet we know that every action is preceded by a thought and every decision will have consequences that are good or bad.

 

Yet understand, God is not a God of chaos, but He is a God of peace!  Now living in peace does not mean lay down and be a doormat. Peace comes with boundaries and rules.

 

Lasting Marriage!

So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:33

I love seeing older couples who are still so incredibly in love with each other.  Over the last few years (once I hit 50), as the opportunity presents itself, I talk with some of these couples to see what advice they would give to the younger generations (meaning anyone younger then them).  Their counsel was simple, interesting, and often made me laugh.  Here are a few of the nuggets of advice they gave:

1. Put God first.  When you BOTH focus on Him, you have nothing to argue about. 
2. End EVERY conversation with "I Love You" even if you are irritated with them.  You don't know if either of you will be here next time.
3. Before you go into marriage, decide that your marriage is NOT disposable!  And ain't nothin' gonna drive you apart.
4. Laugh together!
5. Celebrate every single day you get to spend together.
6. Get a dog.  That way you have someone to take the blame when you pass gas.
7. Dance together.  Even if you stink at it, dance!  
8. NEVER put children before your spouse.  You have to SHOW the children what marriage is supposed to be.
9. Make sure the teeth you put in your mouth are yours.
10. Always do fun things together.
11. Remind your spouse that they are still attractive to you and that they are your love! (this was from the wife).  "Give her tush a squeeze when she's not expecting it.  She'll squeal and I'll chuckle." (this from the husband)
12. Hug, hold hands, snuggle....touching is AMAZING!
13. Keep your tastes and gifts simple.
14. Hold the door open for each other.
15. Make sure your job does not take the place of your spouse.
16. Ain't no argument worth the cost of your marriage.
17. Drink the same brand of beer.
18. Going to bed angry is just wasteful.  You aren't guaranteed tomorrow, so do you want your last and lasting memory to be the fact you were too stubborn to put your marriage before any disagreement.
19.  Take up a hobby together.
20. ALWAYS support your spouse!

I learned a lot from these couples, many of whom had been married 50 years or more. 

Do The Walk Of Life!

Walk worthy of the calling with which you were called.

Ephesians 4:1

 

A number of years ago, Dire Straits performed as song entitled Walk Of Life which detailed some of the things we face as we journey through this adventure called "life."  All of us have a journey on this earth, and God has a way of bringing people into our lives for a time and for a reason.  Sometimes it is to remind us that we are not alone in our struggles and sometimes it if so we may help them or be helped.  But we each have a walk of life that is uniquely ours which we must complete.

 

If you remember in Psalm 23, we are told that we walk THROUGH the Valley of the Shadow of Death, we are not to be afraid.  Walking through!  Not stopping and camping out.  Walking was the major mode of transportation for most people during Jesus' time, and people understood what was being said by Walk Worthy.

 

Are we arrogant when we walk through life?  Are we afraid of walking?  Do we trample our way over others?  Are we graceful?  Are we stumblers?  How is your walk of life? 

Are You Draggin'?

Anxiety in a person’s heart weighs him down,
but an encouraging word brings him joy.

Proverbs 12:25

When I talk with people, I usually will start with the simple question of "How are you doing?".  Now...chances are, when I ask that question, I am already aware that rainbows and unicorns aren't what you have in your life.  So if your answer is the cliche "I'm good", "Fine", "Okay", "I'm not unwell, thank you", or "Go away Padre", you are confirming to me the knowledge that there's something going on that you're holding in.

Stress and Anxiety are HEAVY burdens to tote around.  We don't like for people to know we are stressed about how we're going to make it from month to month.  We don't like people to know that we are uncertain of how to handle a situation we have encountered.  We don't like for people to know that our relationships are strained to the breaking point.  We don't like people to know.....  Why? Because if we admit that we are stressed or anxious, then we have to admit that we aren't as strong as we want others to see us as being.

Couple of things to understand about stress....if not resolved (we tend to push stress down and hope it will go away), stress will destroy you!  Plain and simple.  The other thing you need to know is that there is no quick fix for stress release.  Slapping a band-aid on a gunshot will not stop the problem, and neither will a simple chat.  

Here are some practical (actions you can take) to help you deal with stress:
     1.  Write it out!  Whatever is in you mind, write it down.  Doesn't have to make sense because you are giving your mind the voice to get the pieces out so they can eventually be processed.
     2.  Give yourself permission to feel overwhelmed.  Not while you are driving, but when you can have time to let it go.  You can cry, you can yell, you can throw pillows (so no walls get damaged), you can even just sit and think.
     3.  Talk with someone who can give you some perspective.  Understand, you aren't the first person to deal with stress and you won't be the last.
     4.  Ask yourself: "Is this issue worth stressing over?"  Most times, when we realize the true size of the issue, the answer is NO.  
     5.  Accept that there are those of us who want to help you release the stress!

Care For Others!

“I give you a new command: Love each other. You must love each other as I have loved you. All people will know that you are my followers if you love each other.”

John 13:34-35

One of the great things about being on this earth is that we have the opportunity every day to care for others and to show it.  We show that we care in small, simple ways: Saying "Hello", holding the door open for someone else, sharing what you have with others, making the new person feel welcomed (without overwhelming them), laughing together, talking together, sharing coffee, the ways are endless.

Let's face it, Jesus commanded us that we are to love others the same way He loves us.  We are to be the reflection of His love and caring!  Sounds easy, doesn't it?  But putting it into practice is often the hardest thing we will ever do.  But we can do it.  Jesus has never commanded us to do anything that we couldn't do.  

I love this picture.  The story I found with this photo stated that these two dogs (a pitbull and a chihuahua) were found together and were adopted together because they were inseparable.  How about us?

Ummm....Yeah....Don't Care!

 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

Philippians 2:4 

 

Have you ever heard someone telling you about something that's been on their mind and you are fighting very hard to not yawn in their face because your own mind is saying, "I have my own truckload of life that I have to deal with, so why should I care about their problems? I just don't care!"?  Yep....I'm Guilty, but I'm learning.

 

I talk with people all the time.  And some of the things I'm told are awful, and the most distressing part of such conversations is that I don't always have the resources to help.  But I will listen to them, I will make inquiries to see what's available to help.  But I'm learning more and more that, while I must care for myself, I also need to care for others.

 

The excuse I have heard over and over (and have used), "I don't want to get involved!"  Then it hit me like a plane load of rocks!  If I am unwilling to help others, then why would anyone else be willing to help me?  Yes, every decision we make has consequences (good or bad) and we have to live with those consequences, but each of us has the capacity to celebrate with the person who has good consequences AND we have the capacity to help those who have to live with the bad consequences.  

 

Here's the point: Life can be an extremely harsh teacher.  So we much look to our classmates to make the lessons not so bad or twice as good.

 

"As shared joy is twice as bright; a shared burden is half as heavy." 

I Have A Choice?

The only temptation that has come to you is that which everyone has. But you can trust God, who will not permit you to be tempted more than you can stand. But when you are tempted, he will also give you a way to escape so that you will be able to stand it.

1 Corinthians 10:13 

 

Have you ever said or done something and told yourself "I just couldn't help myself"?  I have and found out that excuse is nothing short of a lie!  Every decision we make will have consequences; some will be good and some will be regrettable, but EVERY SINGLE decision we make will have consequences.

 

Yeah, yeah, I know "Padre's getting all preachy again."  Well, yes and no.  Stop and think about it for a minute, the temptation you are facing is not something new.  Let's say you are having an honest discussion with your spouse, something is said that could be taken wrong (because we're too busy thinking about how we can shut this discussion down so we aren't LISTENING) and an argument ensues.  Then comes the name calling, the questioning of parentage, things getting slammed, doors banging...all because we CHOSE not to listen.

 

Even the things we don't think "no one will be hurt" has far reaching consequences.  For example, you are perusing the internet and a risque photo appears.  Do you keep scrolling past it or do you look at it and even click on it. You CHOOSE to click on it...and then your kids or grandkids or spouse walks in....  No one will be hurt?

 

Temptation starts slowly.  It begins with a thought (because all actions are preceded by thought).  And, let's face it, if sin weren't enjoyable, we'd all be perfect! (and asparagas is EVIL by the way!).  But every temptation has a way out.  Sometimes it takes literally walking away to get away from it.  Because once temptation gets its claws in you, it can become an addiction which is very difficult to shake.

 

Jesus was tempted directly by Satan, more than once, and Jesus' way out...was to reply with Scripture.  Like my Grampa used to tell me: "What's in your well will come up in your bucket."

 

What's in your well? 

Everybody's Talking AT Me!

My dear brothers and sisters, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily, because anger will not help you live the right kind of life God wants. 

James 1:19-20

 

 

You've seen the look. That glassy-eyed, glazed over stare of someone who, while sitting right in front of you, has left the chat long ago.  Why?  Is it because they're bored?  Perhaps.  Is it because they don't like you? Not necessarily.  Could it be you've been doing all the talking and not listening? Most likely.

We like to talk. We have lots to say and some of it might even be relevant. Some of the time we just talk to fill in where there might be an "awkward" silence.  But here's what I have discovered in working with people, especially couples, each person is talking AT their spouse and no one is listening.  There's no give and take in this two sided monologue.

Today's passage gives us three vital points which will benefit EVERY relationship:

FIRST, "Always be willing to LISTEN."  Notice that LISTENING comes BEFORE talking!  How can you even begin to understand what someone else is thinking unless you listen?  And if you don't understand what they are enduring, then how can you help them?

SECOND, "Slow to speak." Don't just blurt out the first thing your mind thinks!  If someone tells you their spouse gets in their face all the time so they just shut down, and the first thing out of your mouth is "Well, you don't have to put up with that.  You should just LEAVE!"  How is that helpful?  Be slow to speak. "Taste your own words before you spew them onto others."  Most arguments begin because we forget to LISTEN because we're too busy TALKING.

THIRD, "Be slow to anger."  This is probably the biggest hurdle couples face right not.  We are SO quick to get angry.  Which all comes from our desire to not listen and not thinking before we speak.

One of the tools I use in couples counseling is a simple game.  I ask one spouse to say something or ask a question to the other.  Then I ask the other what they heard.  It might be similar to what was said or it might be completely different. And herein lies the issue which leads to most arguments.

Listen, weigh your words, and learn to curb your anger.

Love Is Not All About Me!

 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:7

Somewhere along the line, we seem to have forgotten that True Love is not about "me."  As a matter of fact, it's all about NOT me.  Think about this, God truly loves us SO much that He sent Jesus to die on the cross for us.  Jesus Loves us so much, that He did it!

I can hear some teeth grinding because of today's verse.  And I get it.  This part of Truest Love can be difficult...IF WE LET IT!  Believe it or not, I do not think this verse is telling us that we should just ignore everything that is uncomfortable and just roll over and be a doormat.  I personally believe this verse is reminding us that Truest Love can survive anything!  

This also means we have to learn to TALK about anything and everything.  Truest love holds no secrets, and has no off limit topics. And there may be topics about which you will have to agree to disagree, but that can only be discovered by talking and listening.  I have counseled far too many couples who spend their time talking AT each other or yelling at each other with no one listening.  Spend time to calmly discuss issues.  Don't let them build up to the point of exploding.  You'd be surprised how much better marriage can be when we realize that, by talking and listening, it's not about "me." 

"I Wanna Know What Love Is...."

It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered or resentful.

1 Corinthians 13:5 

 Since Valentine's Day is quickly approaching, we're going to continue taking a look at what love TRULY is.  

I have a sign in my cubicle that says: "Coffee doesn't ask silly questions, Coffee just understands."  I LOVE coffee.  Coffee is not offended by anything I say.  Coffee doesn't get upset when I get up early or when I'm out later than usual.  Coffee is not suspicious when I use a different cup.  Coffee understands.

My bride is one of the most wonderful people God has ever brought into my life.  Just so you know, she puts up with a LOT from me.  We can talk about anything.  We laugh a LOT.  And when she rolls here eyes because I've made some bad pun or done something stupid (yes, it's true.  I need a support group for People Who Do And Say Stupid Things), I know she loves me.  She gets me, and I get her.  Are we perfect? Not by a long shot.  Do we get angry with each other? (Have you MET ME?) on occasion.  

She listens to my sermons without falling asleep.  She listens to my jokes and even laughs at some of them. She knows that I can't dance without looking like a drunken giraffe, and she's okay with that.   But we have our differences as well. I have learned what buttons NOT to push and I know that waking her when I come home from a night ridealong is like poking a badger.  We don't agree on politics.  We differ in our styles of dress.  We have different tastes in furniture. But we still truly love each other.

True love is a decision.  And true love puts the other person ahead of yourself.  True love doesn't get angry (and stay angry) but is quick to resolve any issue.  True love is not hard, it just takes making a conscious decision.

What ABOUT Love?

"Love is patient..."

1 Corinthians 13:4a

 

As this is Valentine's Week, I thought we might take a peek at what Love really is.  Love is a viewed in so many different ways that it can be confusing at times.  I have even been asked if love is real.  And, believe it or not, there are those who use "love" as a weapon.  

 

But let's start with this: LOVE IS PATIENT.  Patient!  That's something we seem to be running low on these days.  Tell you what, go outside and bury a seed.  Any seed will do.  Then stand back and see if it JUMPS out of the ground showering you with dirt clods.  What do you mean "It didn't"?  AHHHH.....it takes patience for the plant to grow (ask any farmer).  You see, love is like that too.  It must have time to grow, but it also must be able to endure.  Love is not a fleeting encounter.  Love is becoming part of someone else.  Joining their life with yours and your life with theirs.  That takes time.  That takes patience.  That takes endurance.

If you cut and run at the first disagreement, it's not love.  Love is when you choose to stand with someone else regardless what comes your way.  Are we willing to do that?  Or do we believe THAT takes too much time, energy and effort?

We tend to throw "Love" around like a hot potato (which I do enjoy hot potatoes with cheese, butter and bacon bits).  But the truth of the matter is LOVE is patiently enduring so it will last!

 

There it is!  Love is not passive.  Love is action.  And, (are you sitting down for this?) actions are always the result of a decision.  Therefore, (and I know this is getting a bit out of the norm), LOVE in its truest form is a DECISION!!

 

 

Oh My That's Big!

Pride ends in humiliation, while humility brings honor.

Proverbs 29:23

I have met many people who think quite a lot of themselves and aren't afraid to share with anyone who will listen (and a few who would rather not listen) just how awesome they believe themselves to be.  Ego.....the over inflated (and flawed) self aggrandized view of oneself.  Of course, NO ONE fits that description do they. 

 

Scripture teaches over and over that we need to be careful about becoming prideful (big ego).  Scripture reminds us that we are to be humble!  We are to put others first.  This is difficult for us as human beings.  We like to have our egos stroked.  We like to hear how wonderful we are.  We like to be recognized and rewarded for our efforts. And these are not bad things, the danger comes when we begin self-advertising ourselves as more than we truly are.

 

When Julius Caesar returned from defeating the Gauls, he was awarded a Triumph, which meant he and his soldiers were given a parade through Rome, with the single condition: A slave was appointed to stand behind Caesar in his chariot and whisper in his ear throughout the parade, "Remember, thou are only a man."  Why? So he would keep his ego in check.

 

My Drill Sergeant told us, as soon as we got off the bus for Basic Training, "My job is to make YOU look good.  When YOU look good, I look good!"  And then he set about training us until we crawled into our bunks exhausted every day and night for 8 weeks.  When we graduated, the Colonel told us that we had impressed him.  

 

When you make others look good, it will reflect back on you.  When you chose not to, that will reflect back on you as well.  Be careful to remain humble!  

Come Sail Away

But [Jesus] often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer.

Luke 5:16 

 

It's tiring being on the go constantly.  It's exhausting when your emotions are poured out continually.  It's almost debilitating when your mind will not slow down.  Why?

 

Sleep becomes elusive or nonexistent.

Energy is depleted because no time is available to restore.

Emotions become numbed or just a constant state of irritation.

And we turn into Zombies.

 

Even when we plan time away....we may plan it, pay for it, and try to take it, but that doesn't not mean others will respect it.  Phone rings.  Text dings. And your heart sinks another notch.  And we wonder why we see so many advertisements for sleep aids (new mattresses you can finance for 5 or more years, pillows that cost a month's salary, endless pills, serums, scents, and sound devices) yet we are still exhausted?

 

Read today's verse again...slowly.  Let the words sink in.  Let the truth of the simple message fill your spirit.  Even JESUS took time away.  And notice the key word: OFTEN!

 

He didn't go to where all the people were when He withdrew.  He didn't fill His time away with a gazillion activities.  He didn't go to expensive resorts where He was waited on hand and foot.  Jesus withdrew to a place where He could spend time without distraction.

 

Who are we to live differently? 

Leave A Light On

Heaven and earth will disappear, but my words will never disappear.

Matthew 24:35 

I've already discussed it with my Bride and we both are of the same mind, we have decided that we don't want a funeral, or any fuss really, when our time comes to leave this life.  While some might disagree or even be offended, this is our choice and we have the same reason for making this decision: We want the people in whom we have invested ourselves into to carry our memory forward.  No muss, no fuss, no extraneous expense.  

When the time comes, let the light of my life be taken up by others.  Think about this, Jesus left us with His teachings and all these centuries later, His light still shines.  Hmmm......

Can We Talk?

So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.

Romans 14:19

We see it all over media.  We hear it in conversations. We have become quite the argumentative lot, with everyone shouting how THEY are right and everyone who disagrees is WRONG, blocking streets, burning, looting, lots of yelling and carrying on, dashing about like ants whose nest has been disturbed.

How do such blasting arguments help us come together for peace and mutual building up?

I stopped to get some fuel for my car shortly after the inauguration.  I was wearing my Chaplain's shirt, and was just standing there trying to get the price to an even number (I won't say I have OCD tendencies, but it bugs me if I can't reach that even number), and a man at the pump ahead of me started shouting "You're just wrong!"  I thought he was talking to someone on the phone, or talking to his radio, or someone else because I was only pumping gas into a car.  He continued to berate the person I didn't know louder and angrier, lacing his diatribe with quite the collection of profanities.  He finished filling his car and then stormed over to me and continued to shout right at me, telling me how wrong I was.

He finally stopped long enough to take a breath, and I asked him what I had done to offend him so badly.  His reply was another colorful oratory about how cops are evil and abuse power. When he stopped for another breath, I asked him if I could speak for just a moment and then he was free to shout all he wished.  He looked shocked, so I took that opportunity to point to the badge on my shirt which bears a cross and above the badge the word CHAPLAIN is quite evident.  I informed him that I carry no weapons on my person in my role and I arrest no one.  Our discussion into my job was getting rather lengthy so I offered to buy him a cup of coffee while we talked.  

In the end, he understood that not everyone is out to get him and not everyone who sees life differently is evil.  When we parted company, we shook hands and smiled.  And all it really took was talking AND listening.  You see, we seem to want to do all the talking and not a lot of listen.  Point being, what if I'm wrong AND you're wrong....but neither of us is completely wrong, we just need to find some common ground?