"Abba, Can You Fix This?"

[Jesus said] "When you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites. They love to stand in the synagogues and on the street corners and pray so people will see them. I tell you the truth, they already have their full reward. When you pray, you should go into your room and close the door and pray to your Father who cannot be seen. Your Father can see what is done in secret, and he will reward you."

Matthew 6:5-6

I remember in Basic Training being so stressed that I asked to speak to the Chaplain, who happened to be Catholic.  I was permitted to go to meet with him during confession.  Not knowing exactly how the Confessional worked, I went with the approach I remembered from movies and television.  I sat in the booth, knocked on the partition and when the door slid open, I said "Forgive me Father for I have sinned."  Imagine my surprise when the voice on the other side of the partition said, "Well, yeah....I know that.  Why else would you be here."  The Chaplain knew I had no real idea what I was doing, but he also knew I was in distress and hurting.  He suggested we go to his office and just talk like "true friends do."  

I learned quite a lot during our discussion.  The first thing I learned...generic blanket prayers DO NOT WORK!  Read that again...generic blanket prayers are mere words thrown up at the ceiling. Yet when I can give Abba specifics that I KNOW are causing me pain, stress and grief, then Abba and I are having a TRUE conversation!  

If you have had truly deep conversations with your best friend, you understand how incredible they are!  THAT is the conversation we must have, not the generic "bless me and help me today," rather "Abba, I am struggling with the loss of my Grampa and Gramma.  You've got them now, yet I still miss him.  Help me accept that and tell them I love them.  Protect me when the enemy whispers doubts and tries to break my heart all over again.  When he does, drag me to You!"  

True prayer is not generic!  True prayer is very specific.  And when I don't know what I need to say, Romans 8:26 "And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words." And when my heart feels Abba move, it's time to ask Him to help me voice to Him what I could not before.

Honestly, I realize this is long.  I hope it will be helpful.

 

What's The Point?

But I am always with you;
    you have held my hand.

Psalm 73:23

 

I received a phone call.  It was about 2:30 in the morning.  I recognized the voice on the other end of the line because we are friends.  The words I heard come from my friend brought back so many horrible memories and emotions that I had endured, yet God had brought me through. "Padre, What's the point?  Why should I bother to keep on?  My life is a complete mess and there's no way to make it better.  So, what's the point?"

 

I had said the same thing several years ago.  I had been in the depths of despair and depression and didn't believe there was any way life could get better.  I considered a permanent exit, but God wouldn't allow it.  And I prayed that God would not allow this one either.

 

We talked for a bit, while I got dressed, and continued to talk as I drove to my friend and we talked a bit more.  I knew that this was not the right time to preach to my friend, rather, it was time to love on my friend and BE a friend.  After almost an hour of silence, I asked if my friend had made an exit plan.  My friend confirmed there was such a plan.  I asked if the plan could be explained to me, and it was.  I asked if my friend knew that I loved, cared for, and wanted to help.  That was confirmed.  But my friend, with tears gushing, whispered: "But what does it matter?"  The only thing that came to mind after a quick HELP ME prayer to God was, "It matters because YOU matter.  YOU matter to me and more importantly YOU matter to God who brought me here to be with you."

 

When we reach the point where we ask the question "What's the point?" we are screaming for help!  And here's something we need to be reminded: We MATTER!  If we didn't matter, God would not have brought us to this earth to interact with His people!  Every breath, Every dawn, Every thought is a gift from God to remind us that we matter to Him!

 

My friend and I talked until I was sure my friend would not act on his exit strategy.  As a matter of fact, I called, texted, and visited with my friend to give the reminder that they matter to God and to me and I am glad.  My friend's situation did get better in time, and now God is using my friend to share this experience with others who may be struggling with depression and despair.  It's nothing to be ashamed of.  No need to slap on a happy face and try to "fake it 'til you make it" because hiding it doesn't help.

 

If you need someone to talk with, contact me, contact someone you trust and be honest....completely soul bared honest about what's going on.

 

Are You Okay?

The Spirit helps us with our weakness. We do not know how to pray as we should. But the Spirit himself speaks to God for us, even begs God for us with deep feelings that words cannot explain. God can see what is in people’s hearts. And he knows what is in the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit speaks to God for his people in the way God wants.

Romans 8:25-27 

"Are you okay?"  How many times do we ask this question of someone who seems quiet, thoughtful, or perhaps depressed or anxious or both?  

The holidays seem to intensify Depression and Anxiety.  Why?  Partly because the Holidays are supposed to be a time of celebration and happiness, yet the person battling depression and anxiety cannot feel happiness or celebratory.  As a matter of fact, the person battling Depression and Anxiety may add guilt to the mix because they feel they cannot measure up to the expectations of the season.  This will cause the person battling depression and anxiety to withdraw from others.  The anguish and turmoil which roils within them can rob them of rest, sleep, enjoyment of any kind, will drain their energy, and even push them to the brink of suicide.  All the while, they may be wearing the face of one who is okay.

I cannot tell you the number of times I have heard someone responding to a suicide, "They gave no indication" "They always seemed so happy" "They were always upbeat" "I had no clue anything was wrong."  My question to those people is simple: "How well did you REALLY know the person?"  You see, when you truly know someone, you know their idiosyncrasies, their habits, you see behind the mask.

Here are a few thoughts of what is and what is not helpful when dealing with a person battling depression:

1. NEVER tell them to "get over it" or ask them "what do YOU have to be sad about?" or tell them to "quit feeling sorry for themselves".
2. Interact with them with the premise that they have either a chemical imbalance or have PTSD due to some tragic incident(s) they have faced.  Tread carefully.
3. Don't be afraid to ask questions: "I'm not sure what you are going through, but I would like to understand if you would tell me."
4. Allow the person to have their space.  Many will seek a place where they feel protected and safe.  I usually seek out a corner somewhere.
5. Understand that chemical imbalances and PTSD cannot be controlled for very long.  With chemical imbalances, medications can help, but I have yet to find a combination that fixes the issue.  With PTSD, some medications dull the senses, but do not fix the issues.
6. Might want to sit down for this one: Quoting Bible verses to them is highly detrimental!  Most already feel a sense of guilt for not being "normal" there is no need to further alienate them by telling them to "Just turn it over to Jesus and it'll all go away." Yes, I, as a Chaplain, and a sufferer of Chemical Imbalances as well as PTSD said this.  Scripture has its place and is comforting when used correctly.  Pouring salt in the wounds with Scripture is not helpful and lowers your credibility.
7. Help start a support group.  A safe place where the concerns can be openly addressed and perspectives can be offered. 

 I don't know if any of this is helpful, but hopefully coming from someone who struggles with these battles daily the information can be useful at least to help with understanding.
 

PLEASE!!

The human spirit can endure a sick body,
    but who can bear a crushed spirit?

Proverbs 18:14 

When you think of Depression, what comes to mind? Someone who is down? Someone who is having a rough day?  Someone who is struggling with some decision?

Depression is not merely sadness.  Depression is much more than mere sadness...it is the complete feeling of hopelessness and it can be physically debilitating!  It can lead us to making decisions we would not ordinarily make.  It can become the devourer of our very life; the destroyer of all joy; the eliminator of all joy; and can become our executioner.

I realize this is not a happy topic to discuss, and for some this is quite a painful thing to read, but I have prayed long and earnestly about this subject, which is still "taboo" to bring up.  We aren't supposed to talk about it while it slowly devours our soul to the point that we are so beyond hope that we can only see one way out of the misery.  

There are many triggers for depression (situational depression): 

Loss of a job

Ending of a relationship

Loss of a loved one

Passed over for promotion

Being told that you "aren't good enough"

Depression can also be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain.  Medication can help improve the balance.  

My point is this: PLEASE, I am begging you, if you are dealing with depression TALK about it!  Face it head on!  You ARE NOT alone and there are those of us who are willing to listen and help.  PLEASE.

Hold My Hand, My Child.

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
    Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
    I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

 

What do you do when you get devastating news?  What do you do when things don't go as planned?  

 

We lash out!  We lash out at anyone who is close. We lash out at God because, after all, how could HE let this happen!

 

A few things to ponder:

1.  First, it's okay to be mad at God for a while. When we get mad with God and lash out at Him, His love is big enough to take it.  Nothing we say to Him will change the fact that we are His children and He loves us.  Read through the Psalms and see how David, the Beloved of God, let God know exactly what he thought of all that was happening to him.
2. Talk to God about EVERYTHING that is on your heart and mind! Everything that happens to us, God can use for our good and His glory.  And He WILL use it.  Just because we think of our situation as devastating, doesn't mean God's plans for us are finished or have become unraveled.
3. Be flexible! God's plan may include having to learn to let go of some things that might have become our focus in place of Him.  The Apostle Paul reminds us: "I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little" - Philippians 4:12
4. Don't Give Up!  Remember that God is not through with you yet!  Not by any stretch of the imagination. As long as we draw breath, God's got something for us to do.
5. Change Your Perspective!  God may have allowed this situation to happen to shake us out of our comfort zone.  Perhaps God needs to get our attention.  Perhaps He saw fit to take you out of a miserable situation.  Look at your situation from more angles than just through the eyes of hurt.

 

Struggles are never easy!  EVER!  But they come into our lives when we least need then, want them, or expect them.  We have a choice of drowning in our own depression and sorrow, or we can keep moving and let God deal with the matter.  God promised to always love us!  Even when we don't think He does. 

 

That Long And Winding Road

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

~James 1:2-4

 

Many years ago, when I was young, the Beatles recorded a song called "The Long And Winding Road" (if you don't know who the Beatles are, stop reading here).  The song describes a journey through many aspects of life and it always leads back to the starting point.  

 

I have had people ask me, through their pain, "Why is life so hard?".  Believe it or not, I am smart enough to know that such a moment is not the time to launch into a sermon on trials and tribulations, but I am also smart enough to know that it is the trials and tribulations we endure that teach us, shape us, help us, and grow us.  Think about this:  If you take a lump of coal, put it under extreme pressure and heat for a long, long, long time...eventually a diamond is formed.

  

Several years ago, I was the one asking the question about why life is so hard.  The answer I got came from a homeless man who happened to be shuffling by when I was mumbling my prayer of heartbreak.  He stopped for a minute, patted me on the back, offered me some of his coffee, and said "God is making you into one the gems for His crown."

 

Later on I had a coach tell me that many people stop going to the gym after their first few tries because soreness sets in and makes it seem as if their limbs are going to fall off.  Face it, most of us don't like pain.  Some like physical pain of working out, and weird as they are, I admire them.  But not too many people like the pain of loss or the pain of feeling helpless or the pain of having to learn life's lessons the hard way.  So we try to avoid situations where such pain would find us.  But remember, God doesn't allow us to hurt just for His own grins and giggles.  God allows us to hurt so we will come to Him for help, healing and comfort; THEN we can be used of God to help others in their times of pain.

 

Life truly is a long and winding road...but the good news is we don't have to walk it alone!

Breathe

Then the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground. 

He breathed the breath of life into the man’s nostrils, 

and the man became a living person.

~Genesis 2:7 

 I am not a huge fan of pollen, for it covers the world in a yellow haze which clogs filters and keeps one from breathing for, lo, those 4 months of the year (or longer).  Pollen and the residual effects of pollen make the allergy medicine manufacturers HUGE profits.  We are willing to do almost anything just so we can breathe!

When I was learning to swim, I was pitched off the dock into water that was over my head and told to paddle back.  Let me tell you something, I like breathing and discovered I am not a creature who can breathe underwater.  So imagine my relief when my foot hit the bottom of the pond and I was able to push hard enough that my head broke the surface of the water and I could catch a breath of air.

When I was in Army Basic Training, one of the trials we had to endure was the "Gas Chamber."  It was truly a chamber filled with CS Gas.  We were lined up, told to remove our protective masks when told, execute 5 push-ups, and when instructed we were to give our name, rank, and serial number.  After completing this string of tasks, we would be instructed to exit the chamber.  Honestly, fresh air was one of my favorite memories of that experience.

You see, God created us.  Not only did He create us, God made us in HIS image!  Not only did God create us in His image, He breathed life into us! 

Should you ever feel frustrated, depressed, or feel as if life is no longer worth your time, remember this one thing: You carry within you God's Breath of Life!  God gave it to you for a specific reason and if you had no reason to be here, He would not have breathed into you.

Carry God's Breath and know He loves you!