There IS A Way Out

For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers and sisters, regarding the affliction that happened to us in the province of Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of living. 

2 Corinthians 1:8

 

This is not a topic many people want to consider, yet it is one of the extremely important because it can help save someone's life...perhaps even yours.

 

We endure a lot every single day, and if we allow it, we will carry it with us until the burden builds up and threatens to destroy us.  Think of it this way, take your every day stress and think of it as a stone.  The bills you have to pay (each one being a stone), the demands of the job (each one is a stone), the expectations of others (each one is a stone), dealing with family matters (each one is a stone), getting the children to all their activities (each one is a stone), keeping your relationships positive and meaningful (each is a stone)...you get the idea.  Now, each stone gets put into a backpack you have to carry everywhere you go, even in the shower, to bed, everywhere.  How long do you think it would take for you to get uncomfortable?  How about until you get overwhelmed?

 

Each stone, in and of itself, isn't that heavy.  Yet when we let them build up and build up without dealing with them, they can become too much fairly quickly.

 

Also consider those who have endured traumatic events and are now haunted by those events and are constantly replaying them in their minds unable to stop them.  The doubts, the questions, the self accusations, the self condemnations that scream in their minds are relentless.  Then add on the regular daily stresses and you can see how this can very quickly become overwhelming.

 

You see, when get overwhelmed, we start to despair.  Despair is the loss of hope.  When we despair, we tend to withdraw into ourselves because we have been trained to believe being overwhelmed is a weakness and if you seek help you are a worthless wuss.  This train of thought needs to stop!  

 

The reason there is help available is because help is needed.  However, if no one knows what's wrong, they cannot help.  

 

This thought of despair came crashing down on me over the weekend when I was informed that someone I knew had surrendered to despair and took his own life.  That should not have happened!  Yet, I now have to accept that it did and I was not able stop it because I had not kept in contact with him.  

 

Here are some things we need to understand:

     1.  We are NOT alone!  No matter what we are enduring, there is always someone else who has also dealt with or is dealing with the same or very similar situation!

     2.  If you can see no way out, reach out for help.  Reaching out is a great step to take!

     3.  Write down what's on your mind. Sometimes just the act of getting the issues out on paper or a Word Document can alleviate some of the stress.

    4.  Stay around other people!  We tend to isolate ourselves when we are feeling overwhelmed.  Keeping around other people can help distract us from sinking into despair.

     5.  Keep breathing!  That may sound silly, but remember life happens to us one breath at a time.  We cannot take more than one breath at a time!

 

Please, and I cannot ask enough, PLEASE reach out for help!   

 

"Weeping may only last the night, but joy comes every morning." - Psalm 30:5 

I Still Struggle!

Even if our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts and knows all things.

1 John 3:20 

 

This is rather difficult.  Last year I was diagnosed with PTSD and have been getting counseling for it.  The more I talked with my counselor, the more I realized that, while some of the scenes and situations I have encountered throughout life contributed to my PTSD, my main struggle was in how I dealt with everything.  And to be honest, this has been a struggle for quite some time.  You see, I feel guilty almost all the time, even if I haven't done anything to warrant being guilty.

 

My struggle is that my heart has been faced with so many situations where I have felt helpless that the helplessness has grown into guilt.  And I don't like feeling guilty all the time! 

 

God reminds us through the prophet Jeremiah that: "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?"  What does this mean (I'm still learning this in therapy)?  This means that when we rely strictly on our feelings and emotions, we can be fooled!  Our feelings and emotions are prone to manipulation!  Yet the facts cannot be disputed!  

 

Fact: "God is greater than our hearts and knows all things"  God is faithful to hear our cries and He is always ready to forgive us.  Because of this, we have no need to feel guilty unless we have done something for which we need to seek forgiveness.

Are You Okay?

The Spirit helps us with our weakness. We do not know how to pray as we should. But the Spirit himself speaks to God for us, even begs God for us with deep feelings that words cannot explain. God can see what is in people’s hearts. And he knows what is in the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit speaks to God for his people in the way God wants.

Romans 8:25-27 

"Are you okay?"  How many times do we ask this question of someone who seems quiet, thoughtful, or perhaps depressed or anxious or both?  

The holidays seem to intensify Depression and Anxiety.  Why?  Partly because the Holidays are supposed to be a time of celebration and happiness, yet the person battling depression and anxiety cannot feel happiness or celebratory.  As a matter of fact, the person battling Depression and Anxiety may add guilt to the mix because they feel they cannot measure up to the expectations of the season.  This will cause the person battling depression and anxiety to withdraw from others.  The anguish and turmoil which roils within them can rob them of rest, sleep, enjoyment of any kind, will drain their energy, and even push them to the brink of suicide.  All the while, they may be wearing the face of one who is okay.

I cannot tell you the number of times I have heard someone responding to a suicide, "They gave no indication" "They always seemed so happy" "They were always upbeat" "I had no clue anything was wrong."  My question to those people is simple: "How well did you REALLY know the person?"  You see, when you truly know someone, you know their idiosyncrasies, their habits, you see behind the mask.

Here are a few thoughts of what is and what is not helpful when dealing with a person battling depression:

1. NEVER tell them to "get over it" or ask them "what do YOU have to be sad about?" or tell them to "quit feeling sorry for themselves".
2. Interact with them with the premise that they have either a chemical imbalance or have PTSD due to some tragic incident(s) they have faced.  Tread carefully.
3. Don't be afraid to ask questions: "I'm not sure what you are going through, but I would like to understand if you would tell me."
4. Allow the person to have their space.  Many will seek a place where they feel protected and safe.  I usually seek out a corner somewhere.
5. Understand that chemical imbalances and PTSD cannot be controlled for very long.  With chemical imbalances, medications can help, but I have yet to find a combination that fixes the issue.  With PTSD, some medications dull the senses, but do not fix the issues.
6. Might want to sit down for this one: Quoting Bible verses to them is highly detrimental!  Most already feel a sense of guilt for not being "normal" there is no need to further alienate them by telling them to "Just turn it over to Jesus and it'll all go away." Yes, I, as a Chaplain, and a sufferer of Chemical Imbalances as well as PTSD said this.  Scripture has its place and is comforting when used correctly.  Pouring salt in the wounds with Scripture is not helpful and lowers your credibility.
7. Help start a support group.  A safe place where the concerns can be openly addressed and perspectives can be offered. 

 I don't know if any of this is helpful, but hopefully coming from someone who struggles with these battles daily the information can be useful at least to help with understanding.