Constructive Grieving?

Simon Peter said, “I’m going fishing.”“We’ll come, too,” they all said. So they went out in the boat, but they caught nothing all night.
John 21:3

Jesus had been killed and buried.  The Disciples were heartbroken and grieving.  The person they had pinned their hopes on was gone.  They felt lost, depressed and despondent, so they began going through the motions of living.  They went back to fishing, which they could do without having to think about it, because it had been their profession for their entire lives.

I have come in contact with many people who seem to be stuck in the grieving process where they merely go through the motions of living where they don't have to think.  They simply wander through their days with little or no joy, little or no energy, little or not desire to live.  

Please don't get me wrong, grieving is as much a part of life as breathing.  Ecclesiastes 3:4 reminds us that while there is a time to grieve, life doesn't end because there is also a time to laugh. Our lives do NOT end when God calls home one of our loved ones.  Our lives do NOT end because we don't know why.  Our lives do not end, but too many times the living part of our lives ends.  We choose to focus on our grief to the neglect of everyone and everything else.  But God gives us HOPE if we pay attention!  In John 14:3, Jesus tells us, "I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am."

When Jesus says He will come get us, He isn't lying. And when He comes to get us, we will be rejoined with all of those we love!  That is the hope for the future!  So, let's not give up living in the present!  

Thankful for Time

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
    he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

Psalm 34:18 

 

I write most of these devotionals based on the things conversations with people or issues I have overheard or have experienced.  I realize that some of the situations presented will not speak to everyone and that's okay. 

Recently, I have tried to help several people process their grief.  Some have been successful and some just aren't ready to proceed.  Let me state right from the beginning, grieving is an individual process!  Each person grieves differently and each progresses at a different pace.  There are no time limits on when you are to reach the next step.  This is not a race or a graded event where the first to reach the goal wins.  Grief is an individual process.

My family has had a rough year with grief this year, and I would like to share my own process for grieving.

1.  I was angry!  I was angry at the person who had died because they died.  They wouldn't be around any longer.  I was angry with God for calling them home, I wanted more time to spend with them.  I was angry with myself for not spending more time with them.  I thought of the person as perfect, without flaws, almost angelic...especially when everyone at the funeral said such wonderful things about them, and it made me angry that such a perfect person was no longer around.

2.  I felt guilty!  I felt guilty for being angry.  I felt guilty for not spending more time with them.  I felt guilty that it was not me the God had called home.  I felt guilty for the memories where the person, in reality, wasn't the pure and perfect person I had envisioned. I felt guilty for being so selfish as to want God to bring them back so I could spend more time with them.

3.   I became depressed!  I didn't care about anything or anyone (myself included).  I had no energy.  I cried a lot.  I spent most of my days just going through the motions answering questions with a monotone monosyllabic responses.  Everything was draining for me.

4.  I began to realize that I should be grateful and thankful for the time I did get to spend with them.  I should be grateful and thankful for the wisdom I had learned from them.  I should be grateful and thankful for all the laughs, dreams, and good times we got to share.  I should be grateful and thankful to God for allowing our paths to cross just when I needed them.

Now this process took years, and I still have times when I go through the process again.  Did God and I talk through the process?  Well, let's just say at first, I did the talking telling God exactly what I thought of Him and His plan that took them from me.  As the process progressed, I began to listen more and talk less.  By the end, I was listening, remembering, celebrating and thankful to God for His gift of that person.

We must learn to be Thankful for the people God brings into our lives, even if it's for a short time, because there's a reason for that season.  Celebrate the relationships!

#dailythankfulchallenge

Life...It Goes On

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
    do not depend on your own understanding.

Seek his will in all you do,
    and he will show you which path to take.

Proverbs 3:5-6

 

When a tragedy strikes, the question that will ultimately be asked is: "Where Do We Go Now?"  That is a difficult idea to consider because out tendency is to withdraw from everyone and hide from the world.  We hide in dark rooms with curtains drawn.  We hide within ourselves losing ourselves in the routines of existence.  But let's take a look at a few things that help the Grieving, as well as the ones seeking to help:

 

1.  Grieving is a process and processes take time. 

2.  There are no short cuts to grieving.

3.  Understanding that the pain of grief can be intense helps us temper our attempts to "move things along."

4.  Accept that the person who is grieving may have setbacks.

5.  Understand that grieving is NOT wrong.

6.  If you are strong enough, walk the journey with the grieving and listen to them.  "A burden shared is half as heavy, and joy shared is twice as bright."

7.  Try to remember what helped you when you were grieving, and share that.

8.  Pray! Pray! Pray!  Remember that God let His own Son die on our behalf!  God knows better than we do what it feels like to grieve.

9.  Not every silence needs to be filled with words. Sometimes just sitting quietly with someone helps them know now much you care.

10.  Celebrate the baby steps of movement from grieving to living.  Don't go overboard with it though.  Use phrases like "thank you for coming with me to the store" or "Sharing with walk around the park with you made the stroll so much better."

 

Finally, don't give up on the person who is grieving.  Wounds of Grief can be VERY deep.

 

When Grief strikes, and it will, point to the Father who understands and loves without question.

I Didn't Understand....

You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn
    through the sleepless nights,
Each tear entered in your ledger,
    each ache written in your book.

Psalm 56:8

 

 

Have you ever wondered WHY?  

 

I recently attended a funeral.  I will be honest, most funerals are difficult and wear me out.  This particular funeral was for a young man who had died suddenly and tragically.  The question his family asked over and over was "WHY?".  Honestly, I wondered that too.  That was until the funeral.

 

I listened to the sermon and gained some insight on how to push through the pain, but the think that struck me most was when the pastor was wrapping up, he said "Some of you haven't set foot in church for a long time and it took THIS day to get you here.  But God has a way of moving through the most difficult events in life to bring us back to where we need to be."  He then asked everyone to close their eyes and asked if there was anyone in attendance who wanted to surrender their lives to God.  He counted off 6 hands that went up.

 

Afterwards, the boy's father, who was grieving with such emotion he could barely stand up during the service, told me that had his boy not died those 6 people would not have had the opportunity to give their lives to God.

 

God has a plan and it's His job to accomplish His plan.  He also loves us so much that He understands our pain and anguish more than we do.  I learned alot from that funeral and from that grieving father.