It's NOT Okay To Pretend To Be Okay, Part 2

When I kept silent,
    my bones wasted away
    through my groaning all day long.

Psalm 32:3 

 

I remember being told to "Suck it up!" when I was dealing with an emotionally traumatic situation.  "Stop acting weak!" was another one I've been told.  Then there's the ever popular "Don't be a wuss! Be A MAN!".  Why do we think such things are good advice?  Is it because emotions can get messy and inconvenient and we don't know how to deal with them?  Are we afraid of feelings?

 

When we suppress our emotions in order to pretend to appear okay to the casual observer, our bodies will eventually rebel and we will begin to display the symptoms such as Depression, Despair, Unending Sadness.  We will begin to gravitate toward self destructive behaviors like alcoholism, overeating, not eating, etc. in an attempt to dull the pain.  We will become mechanical, unable to genuinely laugh or smile.  We will experience inability to sleep or sleep too much.  We will feel constantly fatigued with then inability to get restful sleep.

 

We suppress our feelings so we don't appear weak or foolish. We suppress our feelings so we won't be a bother or burden to others who "won't understand."  But let me tell you something I have learned, and am learning, the hard way: I may not understand exactly how you feel, but I do understand how I feel when I am overwhelmed and that allows me to be of help if permitted.

 

When God breathed life into Adam and Eve, He infused us with feelings and emotions.  God could very well have created us as little emotionless robots.  

 

When Jesus walked among us, He was not devoid of emotions.  

*  Jesus prayed with loud cries and tears before His crucifixion. 

*  He wept for His friend Lazarus.  

*  He wept loudly for Jerusalem's pending destruction.

 

"In the days of His flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to Him who was able to save Him from death, and He was heard because of His reverence" - Hebrews 5:7

 

"Jesus wept" John 11:35

 

Jesus didn't worry about what people thought about Him, so why should we? So how should we deal with this issue?  

 

1.  Take of the mask!

2. If you feel more comfortable, write it out.  I do this quite a lot.  I have lots of books I have filled with my thoughts, writing helps me get things into perspective.

3. Talk with people you trust.  This may mean actually reaching out and asking "Can we talk?"

4. Be aware of how you are acting.  If you find you are withdrawing from people, reach out to people you trust. To be honest, if I know someone is intentionally shutting me out, I will give them the courtesy of keeping my distance until they are ready.

5. Pray!  I cannot emphasize this enough.  We are told over and over to turn everything over to God and let Him deal with it, that includes our emotions.  

 

This list isn't exhaustive, by any means, but it's a start.

 

While it may seem more challenging to face our pain and sorrow instead of simply suppressing it, when we suppress it, we are telling God that He isn't good enough or strong enough to handle our burden.  We are telling God that we are better at handling it than Him and, in so doing, we build a wall between God and us.  The choice is yours.

It's NOT Okay To Pretend To Be Okay Part 1

For everything there is a season,
    a time for every activity under heaven.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

 

"It's Okay Not To Be Okay. It's NOT Okay To Pretend To Be Okay When You're Not Okay."  I posted this on Facebook earlier this week and discovered that a number of people actually said it was easier to pretend than to be honest about how they felt.  Here's something to consider, easier isn't always the best plan.  For example, if you got a cut while preparing a meal, it's easier to pretend it didn't hurt or happen than it is to stop what you're doing, find a bandage, get some first-aid medicine, bandage the wound, and put everything back....right?  

 

Society tells us that we should not burden everyone else with our emotions, especially when we are overwhelmed, hurting, shocked, horrified, or anything else other than happy.  Why? Because people have this mentality that we are less than human if we have emotions.  If we aren't happy, then it's our fault!  Therefore, we try to cauterize our emotions, slap on a fake smile and go through the motions of our day, even if we are an wreck on the inside.  Where did we get that idea?

 

I am guilty of pushing people away when I am trying to deal with emotional situations, because I need to figure things out before I share what's on my mind.  I will reach out if I begin to feel overwhelmed or need some perspective. But for the most part, I need to internalize things until I can make some sense of them.  That's part of my being an Introvert. 

 

Now I can tell you from my experience and observations, that when we pretend we're okay when we're not, over time some weird things will begin to happen:  

• We will eventually develop a jaded perception of everything and everyone, believing no one will help because no one cares.
• We also begin to become cynical having little patience with others.
•  We will withdraw from everyone because they don't understand or because we don't want to be hurt again.
• We will, in a perceived act of self preservation, give the impression of being cold and unfeeling.

The list goes on and on, but the fact remains: We are humans, thus we have feelings.

 

Let me leave you with one last thought for today: "Speak truth, each one of you, with his neighbor, for we are members of one another" (Ephesians 4:25).

Is Your House In Order?

Be careful what you think,
    because your thoughts run your life.

Proverbs 4:23 

I discovered a new television show that I enjoy watching, because it causes me to think and evaluate. The show is called "House" and Hugh Laurie is a fantastic actor.  The character he portrays, Dr. Gregory House, has, through the course of his life experiences, become very jaded, cynical, and callous.  This tends to push people away, keep them at arm's distance, and leaves him with very few people who he will actually be open with.

The more I thought about this character description, the more I began to evaluate my own life.  When I was younger (and had hair), life fascinated me and I embraced each day with enthusiasm.  I loved getting out with my friends and enjoyed spending time together.  And then "life" happened.  I honestly cannot put my finger on exactly when I began to become jaded.  I cannot tell you when I began pushing people away.  I cannot tell you when I began to feel apathetic toward others.  But it happened!  Not all at once, but slowly over time.

When you face the worst in people every day, and try to make sense of it in your own mind, the layers of cynicism will encase your heart and mind.  We think it is to protect ourselves from "them."  In reality, we let it happen so we don't have to care or show concern or feel.

God has a way of peeling back the layers of our steel wrapped hearts.  When He does, we feel things we have not felt (or wanted to feel) in a long LONG time and that is not a comfortable feeling.  But God does that for a reason, even though His timing may not be convenient for us, so we will remember we are still human with needs, wants, and feelings.

We must pay attention to what we are thinking because what we think will direct our actions, attitudes, and our perspective.  If we become so cynical that everything becomes just another irritation, it's past time to re-evaluate our thoughts.  Here's the point: When we focus on God and remember that we are His child, just like everyone else we meet, we will begin to see the layers of cynicism strip away.

We must get OUR house in order (our thoughts, our perceptions, our actions) before we become jaded and cynical.