It's All In HOW You Say It!

A gentle response turns away anger,
but a harsh word stirs up wrath.

Proverbs 15:1 

 

Why do we TRY to get in someone's face to start an argument?  As a matter of fact, what is the point of arguing?  One of the more archaic meanings of the word "argument" is "a reason or set of reasons given with the aim of persuading others that an action or idea is right or wrong."  Yet we take the presenting our reason(s) to mean yelling and shouting them at each other instead of in a calm and reasonable manner.

 

One of my favorite television programs is Homicide Hunter.  Each episode is about a homicide case handled by Lt. Joe Kenda of the Colorado Springs Police Department.  The thing that struck me about Kenda was his calm, even tone and manner of speaking.  Even his catch-phrase, "Well My,My,My" is spoken in such a way that lets you know this man knows how to speak with people and get results.  And it's mostly about tone of voice.

 

I read a study a while back that stated a person can diffuse almost any argument by changing their tone of voice to a non-threatening level.  So why do we believe that loud is better?  Does the fact I can drown you out by talking over you in my LOUD VOICE make me right? Nope!  Yet that seems to be our "go-to" mode of communication.

 

I learned and am learning that softer tones when speaking get attention and a much greater response than yelling.  If someone is upset and grieving, how much good would come of yelling at them to "CHEER UP!!"?  Would it not be more readily received to speak softly and simply say "I am sorry you are hurting, I am here"?

 

Try it!