My Heart Hurts

Jesus wept.

John 11:35

Every time I attend a funeral or perform a funeral for someone I have known and cared for, it feels as if the pain will never stop.  I remember, as a child, being told that "men don't cry" and I held in the pain and sorrow for YEARS (not a good idea, by the way).  I wondered why it was okay for Jesus to weep, but wrong for me.  It just didn't make sense.

Finally, there came the day when one my best friend from Middle School and High School died....the flood came out along with the avalanche of all those pent up feelings I wasn't supposed to express.  I wish I could say that I felt better afterwards, but I didn't.  I was extremely ticked off that I was expected to hold all that in for so long.  I vowed that very day to do everything possible to appropriately express instead of continually trying to repress.

Has it been completely successful?  Not always.  But it's better.  You see, I found a verse that was an eye-opener for me: "I pour out my heart to Him and tell Him all my troubles" (Psalm 142:2).  And I began writing what was on my heart, the good, the bad, the ugly, the anger, the joy, all of it!

Now.....it's been quite a few years since I experienced the death of my friend, and I've learned a few things as a result but I won't bore you with most of them because they are specific to me.  But here's something I can share:  When we interact with others, we take part of them with us and they take part of us with them.  The closer friends we are, the more we interact and the more we take from each other to incorporate into us (ever noticed that close friends tend to share common traits, speech patterns, gestures, etc.).  Therefore, when one of the friends dies the one left carries on their legacy through their own lives.

We are part of each other!  Like it or not, we are.  So there!  Ya'll are stuck with me.