Are You Okay?

The Spirit helps us with our weakness. We do not know how to pray as we should. But the Spirit himself speaks to God for us, even begs God for us with deep feelings that words cannot explain. God can see what is in people’s hearts. And he knows what is in the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit speaks to God for his people in the way God wants.

Romans 8:25-27 

"Are you okay?"  How many times do we ask this question of someone who seems quiet, thoughtful, or perhaps depressed or anxious or both?  

The holidays seem to intensify Depression and Anxiety.  Why?  Partly because the Holidays are supposed to be a time of celebration and happiness, yet the person battling depression and anxiety cannot feel happiness or celebratory.  As a matter of fact, the person battling Depression and Anxiety may add guilt to the mix because they feel they cannot measure up to the expectations of the season.  This will cause the person battling depression and anxiety to withdraw from others.  The anguish and turmoil which roils within them can rob them of rest, sleep, enjoyment of any kind, will drain their energy, and even push them to the brink of suicide.  All the while, they may be wearing the face of one who is okay.

I cannot tell you the number of times I have heard someone responding to a suicide, "They gave no indication" "They always seemed so happy" "They were always upbeat" "I had no clue anything was wrong."  My question to those people is simple: "How well did you REALLY know the person?"  You see, when you truly know someone, you know their idiosyncrasies, their habits, you see behind the mask.

Here are a few thoughts of what is and what is not helpful when dealing with a person battling depression:

1. NEVER tell them to "get over it" or ask them "what do YOU have to be sad about?" or tell them to "quit feeling sorry for themselves".
2. Interact with them with the premise that they have either a chemical imbalance or have PTSD due to some tragic incident(s) they have faced.  Tread carefully.
3. Don't be afraid to ask questions: "I'm not sure what you are going through, but I would like to understand if you would tell me."
4. Allow the person to have their space.  Many will seek a place where they feel protected and safe.  I usually seek out a corner somewhere.
5. Understand that chemical imbalances and PTSD cannot be controlled for very long.  With chemical imbalances, medications can help, but I have yet to find a combination that fixes the issue.  With PTSD, some medications dull the senses, but do not fix the issues.
6. Might want to sit down for this one: Quoting Bible verses to them is highly detrimental!  Most already feel a sense of guilt for not being "normal" there is no need to further alienate them by telling them to "Just turn it over to Jesus and it'll all go away." Yes, I, as a Chaplain, and a sufferer of Chemical Imbalances as well as PTSD said this.  Scripture has its place and is comforting when used correctly.  Pouring salt in the wounds with Scripture is not helpful and lowers your credibility.
7. Help start a support group.  A safe place where the concerns can be openly addressed and perspectives can be offered. 

 I don't know if any of this is helpful, but hopefully coming from someone who struggles with these battles daily the information can be useful at least to help with understanding.