But What Do I DO With It?

You keep track of all my sorrows.
    You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
    You have recorded each one in your book.

~Psalm 56:8

November 17, is a date that has become, and continues to be, one of the most painful of my life.  You see, it was on November 17, 1981 that my conversations with my Grampa ended.  God called him home and my life changed that day.  

To say that I was angry would be such an understatement!  I was angry with him for leaving me.  I was angry with everyone who told me that "it was his time" or "your pain will end."  I was angry at those who piously quoted Scripture to me as if that was supposed to remove the pain!  I was especially angry at God for taking my Grampa from me.

I was angry for YEARS and YEARS!  With every single loss I endured, I grew more angry.  Did I talk with anyone about it? Of course not because "men don't talk about feelings."  So what did I do with all that pain? Just kept stuffing it down and, on the outside, pretended everything was okay.

It wasn't until I was almost 45 years old that I heard something that finally broke through the pain and anger.  I don't remember the speaker's name, but what this wise person said was: "Let's say you have a broken arm with the bone protruding.  It hurts like nothing you have ever experienced.  Are you going to sit there and be angry and upset that it's broken?  Not a good idea, because it will get infected and cause you even more problems.  You could dull the pain with alcohol and self medicate, but does that fix your arm? Nope!  Your BEST course of action is to go to the doctor who can fix your arm.  Setting the arm is going to hurt, no doubt!  And it will take a long time before you can use it again.  And you may not be able to use it the same way you did before.  But over time the pain will subside."

It was at that moment that I realized that God was reaching out to me.  My heart was broken and I had spent all these years being angry that it was broken instead of going to the Great Physician who could help.  

Now, have I recovered?  Not completely, but I'm better than I was.  Does it still hurt? Yes, very much.  And each time the pain comes, I run to the Great Physician and pour it all out to Him.  Am I still angry? I have my moments.

God records our every tear.  God records our every pain.  God loves us so much that when we hurt, so does HE!

"In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation." - 1 Peter 5:10

 

If you are hurting, take your broken heart to the Great Physician.  Show Him your pain! Show Him the broken pieces of your heart!  Show Him the flood of tears your soul has shed!  Let Him comfort you!